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Beginning Poet...


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23 replies to this topic

#1
Mephistopheles

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Well, i'm a beginning poet (of sorts). I was reading through this part of the foum last night, and was inspired. Sooo, here is one i did in my Math class today, tell me what you think! Bear in mind it's my first piece of poetry ever. ;)

(So far untitled)

And now
The world comes
Into my eye.

I look around
Observe the world
That's passing me by.

I just look at my
Pathetic self, whispering why
My goddamned life is a lie.

I break down
Fall down on my
Knees and cry.

Shouting out
Just screaming out
At the bastard in the sky.

"Why is my life shit?
You know i try!
Come on 'God', tell me why!"

I wait completely silent
No answer received
Sorrow has one, to death I concede.

Put a gun to my head
Sweating in fear and pulled the trigger
The bullet entered my ear.

It drilled through my skull
Sprayed my brain on the wall
I went cold and numb, i was no more.

Then my still
And deadened body
Lied to rest on the floor...


#2
religion_will_b_destroyed

religion_will_b_destroyed

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that was pretty good for your first one, and I'm i'm a beginner too so I don't know if my comment will mean anything to you

#3
jwfrogem

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nice... but im a begginer too, so dont ask me......
somtimes you feel like a nut somtimes you dont...-STM-

#4
Mephistopheles

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Beginner or not, i am grateful for the input. :)
Another one done in Geometry... Seem to do most work there :P

"Endless Carousel"

Raining blood,
Rain in the night!
Sweet red pouring down,
Angelic Suicide!
Fearing plague,
Fear the blight!
Hear my pain,
Fear my plight!
Lives undone,
Souls devoured!
Good is shaken,
Evil empowered!
The angels are pulled,
Down, down to hell!
Hear them scream,
Hear them yell!
Their brothers corrupt,
Their evil self!
They kill themselves,
Deep in their cell!
Shows "God" again,
None escape hell!
Again and again,
THIS ENDLESS CAROUSEL!


#5
Mannequin

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Very nice. :)

#6
indulged_depraved_lusts

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Hmnmmm.....very good for a begginer poet :). I hope you decide to keep expressing your thoughts and wonders upon this forum.

#7
Mephistopheles

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Oh, i shall, definetly.

And i shall do tehm in Geometry, so i keep doing good ones :P

#8
Mephistopheles

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Heres another one for you lucky people. ;)

I Feed...

I feed off of fear,
I feed off of pain,
I feed off of those insane....

I feed off of life,
I feed off of death,
I feed on anything that draws breath....

I feed off of faith,
I feed off of joy,
I feed off of "Gods" toys...

I feed off of your screams,
I feed off of your shreiks,
I feed off of you, from which terror reeks...

I feed off of your spirit,
I feed off of you heart ,
I feed off of you when you lie in the dark...


#9
soulsrchr

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You write very well but you sound troubled... I've learned over time that in order to continue and progress and grow as a writer you must separate from yourself that which you feel strongest about, analyze it, contemplate it, dissect it, view it as it congeals, and then replace it... then, once it has fused with your very core and is at the center of your being, you will be able to write like you have never written before... release your emotions... they are what make you human... don't just write about your emotions... write your emotions

#10
Mephistopheles

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Yes, very troubled. VERY VERY troubled.

That's some good advice soulsrchr, i'll take it to heart...

#11
soulsrchr

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Thank you... That you would consider my advice makes it the highest compliment that you bestow... I appreciate it and I look forward to reading more of your poetry in the near future...

#12
Mephistopheles

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No problem at all, it is good avice. :)

Heres one i came up with today, made it up as i went along, tell me whether you think the earlier ones are better. Just a short one.

(Not titled)

Burning coals, searing your flesh.
Dancing embers, roasting your skin.
Boiling blood, destroying your heart.
Writhing in pain from a primal art.

#13
Protocol

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Yeah... Umm... OK. You post publicly, and can expect candid replies, as publicly...

*gets on soapbox* You a won't a like a this.

I'm a getting a real tired of all of the...

Soul searing, eyes burning,
skin falling off me,
watch the blood drip into space.
Hear my screams,
no one loves me,
I love to die, a little each day,
please bite me and be mine,
vampire I want to be,
you are my eternity...

Types of so called poems. THEY ARE CRAP. Sorry to be so blunt. I do not know how SO MANY PEOPLE can speculate about death, and about the love of monsters that is so romanticised by Hollywood in an effort to make you buy into their merchandise, and give them money.

WAKE UP. The world is ugly and evil is not beautiful, nor do you understand the true nature of it, to try to so romanticise it. You will NOT love the monster that comes to kill you if it ever existed or does exist.

You will NOT enjoy cutting body parts of yourself, or other people and if you do, you need serious get the duct tape and tape those electrodes to my scalp and plug me into a 240v 13 amp power outlet and come back in 6 months therapy.

So STOP WRITING IT. It's not clever, and doesn't have a point.

*Gets off soapbox*

Hope that helped the writing process.

Protocol.

#14
Mephistopheles

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New one! :D

"Clipped Wings"

Alive on the outside
Dead within
Innocent exterior
Heart of sin...

Hated by most
Heart destroyed
Loved by none
Just a toy...

Attacking my emotions
Now i am blue
Left me in my shame
With me heart in two...

Sitting in the dark
Crowds surround me
Each time i try to get close
They always flee....

Trapped i my feelings
Dishelveled, wasted, nothing more
I long for the wings of love
O' how i wish to soar...


#15
Mephistopheles

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"Bloody Sea"

You are messed up
Now you meet your end
You shall die
Die by your own hand...

This really is
How hard life can be
Living your life
In perpetual agony...

Waiting until
Life shall be done for thee
For then Hell
Will come for ye...

And then all of
The World will see
Your tainted blood
Flowing like a sea...


#16
SuicidalxBrunett

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awsome! i think they are very awsome! lol im starting to write, but i dont know how to send them in to get some input!!! I NEED INPUT!!!

#17
adutza

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i must admit that i like all these poems, but the fact that you feel the evil so close to your heart can't help you at all...it can only do you harm..so, trying to discover another part of life, that makes it worth living, might help you not feel so troubled...we all have moments when we think life=shit and the whole universe has been messed up by the evil forces.Yeah,the devil is all around us and I don't believe in a real God either, but sometimes i'm so weak that i need to think that there's someone up-high who won't let me down...try to think positive

#18
adutza

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;) hope all i,ve said isn't crap for you

#19
Mephistopheles

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:huh: Not crap at all... Very good, actually. Anyway, two, yes, TWO new poems today. ;)

"Reclusive Darkness"

Clouds of pain are gathering
Fog of sorrow appearing,
The tears of sadness falling,
Evil comes unto thee...

Blackened smoke fills your lungs,
The ground corrupts beneath you,
Air becoming befouled,
Evil has entered thee...

Your mind darkens,
Your soul corrodes,
Your blood sours,
Evil overwhelms thee...

Now you are the darkness,
Now you prey on the innocent,
But now you must hide from others,
Evil is thee...




"What We Are"

#20
Mephistopheles

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DAMNIT!, posted accidently.

"What We Are"

Children of the darkness,
Children of spite,
Children of dementia,
Children of the night...

Children of sick pleasures,
Children of twisted dreams,
Children of sordid fantasies,
Children with an evil gleam...

Children of desolation,
Children of destruction,
Children of annihilation,
Children of corruption...

Children of lust,
Children of passion,
Children of depravity,
Children of a vile fashion...

Children of evil,
Children of scar,
Children of death,
That is what we are...





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