Jump to content

Welcome to Second Shifters Forums
Register now to gain access to all of our features. Once registered and logged in, you will be able to create topics, post replies to existing threads, give reputation to your fellow members, get your own private messenger, post status updates, manage your profile and so much more. If you already have an account, login here - otherwise create an account for free today!

When offering advice...

  • Please log in to reply
2 replies to this topic



    Horton Hatches The Egg

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 25 posts
  • Location:I don't know, Anajiel always says I am lost...
After reading through a few threads here I feel inclined to mention a few things :

First and foremost, if you are going to offer advice to others you may want to keep in mind that it is not always a good thing to attempt to tell them what they are thinking or what they mean simply because you disagree with their state of mind. Some people do grow to hate others, be it friends or family and telling the-m that they do not or that they should not may cause more harm than good. Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. You can not have one without the other and in spite of how politically correct it is, hate can be a healthy and constructive emotion. Sometimes it is an emotion that was reached with good cause.

Second, it is also important to remember that you are not always getting a truthful story and sometimes you are not getting the whole story and very seldom do you get both sides of a story when people ask for advice on message boards. The main problem with trying to help someone on the internet is that there is only so much you can do to help. You can lead a horse to water but you can not force them to drink.

Third, remember that giving good advice starts with listening to the person you are trying to help. Listening means more than just reading what they are saying it also means noticing what is not being said. People do not always feel comfortable talking about everything right away especially on public forums. Do not force a topic of discussion, it is not always “healthy for someone to get things out in the open�. Some people need years of professional counseling before they are ready to discuss certain things.

Fourth, offering advice does not mean “always butting heads and disagreeing�. Although you are being asked for advice, keep in mind the topic is not about you, it is about the person seeking help. People ask for help from others that they hope will pay attention to them. Taking the focus of the topic off of the person asking for help and making it about yourself is not only selfish, it is detrimental to the person who needs the help.

Fifth, you can not truly tell another person what is or is not right for them. Giving advice means simply telling them how you would react in a certain situation. It does not mean dictating and demanding a certain action. No one knows you better than yourself and only you can decide what is right or wrong for you.

There is nothing more fragile than the emotional health of people in need. There is also nothing more dangerous than not knowing when things are over your head and when someone should seek professional help. Sometimes good intentions are not enough to solve a problem.

Good luck to all...

~Shadow Villanueva~



    eaten back to life

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 158 posts
  • Location:new jersey
  • Interests:my very beautiful girlfriend, punk rock, violence, video games, liquor
i think this is fantastic advice.
i never found the rainbow's end, but at least i found a better place without you



    Yertle The Turtle

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 139 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Toronto Ontario
  • Interests:I am continually interusted in anything awesome. Need I say more!? Didn't think so.
[FONT=Arial]Everyone should take a look at this, and take your advice to heart.

you are absolutly correct.
Take me home.... Im delicious!!

0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users