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My poetry


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3 replies to this topic

#1
criesofhate

criesofhate

    Horton Hatches The Egg

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So I figure this place needs some more action, so here is a poem I wrote. I'll add more as they come. Feedback is most welcome.


An End

spilling blood the way you would spill old coffee out on the sidewalk.
a black hole in growing in my heart.
you cry like it matters, like we all don't end up this way.
silence.

you just wanted peace, i gave you destruction.
a kiss, as the world falls into itself. something tender in all this ruin.
the finale creeps so close; its perfume invades our nostrils.
you grow frightened, i just watch.
here there is no happy ending.
just an end.

#2
Hell_In_Your_Eyes

Hell_In_Your_Eyes

    There's A Wocket In My Pocket

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That's really good. I especially like the last two lines. Now for my bit of criticism (meant to be ignored, if desired): Try breaking some of the lines to create more, that way it gives the poem a smoother flow. But then, what do I know? Lol. Anywho, again, I liked the poem and I look forward to seeing more of your work. ^_^

#3
suicidalpiety

suicidalpiety

    Horton Hears A Who

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  • Interests:Random interests that revolve around a mythological and literate world. I love writing, reading and art of many varieties. I paint, sketch and role play different games. I have a fascination with dragons and immortality, or at least the concept of it.
It's good. The idea is lovely. The diction is well selected as well, and it was enjoyable. I liked it. But, like the above, I have my criticism as well. Try playing with the spacing and capitilization to emphasize certain points. If you don't know what I mean, read a bit of e.e.cummings - your style is similar to his in a way.

#4
Aphotic

Aphotic

    Green Eggs And Ham

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I like it all, the spacing and length of lines I like too, you make your point. Maybe it's because I consider every new line a pause. Keep it up, you got anymore?

My sig is short simple and sweet, very much unlike life.


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