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UNCLE MATTOM tells a tale


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#1
Mattom

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<Uncle_Mattom> There was once a soldier who had two problems:
<Uncle_Mattom> There could be a war or there could not be a war.
<Uncle_Mattom> If there was no war he had no problem.
<Uncle_Mattom> But if there was a war, he had two problemS:
* postmortem has quit IRC (QUIT: User exited)
<Uncle_Mattom> That he's be sent to the front or to the rear.
<Uncle_Mattom> If he was sent to the rear he had no problem
<Uncle_Mattom> But if he was sent to the front he had two problems
<Uncle_Mattom> It could be a bloody and gruesom confrontation or just a meaningless snafu.
<Uncle_Mattom> If it was a maningless snafu he had no problem
<Uncle_Mattom> If it was a bloody and gruesome confrontation he had two problems.
<Uncle_Mattom> he could get badly wounded or come out intact.
<Uncle_Mattom> If he came out intact he had no problem,
<Uncle_Mattom> If he got badly wounded he had two problems:
<Uncle_Mattom> That he'd be left in the battlefield or that he'd be taken away.
<Uncle_Mattom> If he was abandoned in the battlefield he had no problem,
<Uncle_Mattom> If he got taken away he had two problems:
<Uncle_Mattom> he could be taken away by firends or by foes.
<Uncle_Mattom> If he was taken away by firends he had no problem whatsoever,
:<Uncle_Mattom> If he got taken away by foes, he had two problems:
<Uncle_Mattom> He could get be killed or he could be left to live
<Uncle_Mattom> If he was left to live he had no problem,
<Uncle_Mattom> If he were killed he had two problems:
<Uncle_Mattom> They could bury him or they could incinerate him
<Uncle_Mattom> If he was buried he had no problem,
<Uncle_Mattom> But if he was incinerated he had two problems:
<Uncle_Mattom> His ashes could be recycled or they could not be recycled.
<Uncle_Mattom> If his ashes weren't recycled he had no problem,
<Uncle_Mattom> If his ashes were recycled he had two problems:
<Uncle_Mattom> They could use them to make regular paper or they could use them to make toilet paper.
<Uncle_Mattom> If they used them to make regular paper he had no problem,
<Uncle_Mattom> If they used them to make toilet paper, he had two problems:
<Uncle_Mattom> The toilet paper could be used by a man or it could be used by a woman.
<Uncle_Mattom> If it were used by a man he had no problem,
<Uncle_Mattom> If it were used by a woman he had two problems:
<Uncle_Mattom> HE COULD BE SENT TO THE FRONT OR HE COULD BE SENT TO THE REAR.
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
[URL]YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND THIS WAR

[URL=http://www.sloganizer.net/en/]user posted image

#2
Scypher

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Uncy Mattom told us a story in chat.

*reads it again and laughs somemore*

Scypher
It's better to die quick

Fighting on your feet

Than to live forever

Begging on your knees

#3
Opticallusion

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omg



too funny...woulda fit right in with the comedians I heard earlier...
just give me a minute, i'm thinking...

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#4
Dirk

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Put this in lyric form for Bob Dylan and make big money.
Unauthorized Copying is not only forbidden, but will prey upon your conscience, spoil your sleep, destroy your complexion, and eventually will wind up turning you into the kind of person who drinks methylated spirits out of a bottle hidden in a brown paper bag, and who lives under bridges, burps noxiously, and prays day and night for release from the unsupportable burden their life has become. We thought you'd appreciate the warning.
Originally from a Neil Gaiman cd, so i might suffer from all the things mentioned above.

#5
Mattom

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I am glad you all have liked it....
I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
[URL]YOU CAN'T UNDERSTAND THIS WAR

[URL=http://www.sloganizer.net/en/]user posted image

#6
Hegemone

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holy crap.....i'm lmfao....thats hilarious....




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