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Rewrite the Ten Commandments...


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#1
QoIMar

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Apparently, Hitler ordered a rewrite of the bible to support his cause.Not quite like mormons who are traditionally considered to have written an addendum to God's book.


In celebration of the timelessness of megalomania and arrogance I propose the following: if you had an opportunity to add to the bible or better still, add your own commandment, scrap one or two...what would your addition/correction to the Holy Book be?
Now if you'll excuse me, I have hands to kiss and babies to shake

Charles L. Charles

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#2
Enki Anunaki

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omfg, you know i cán't resist the impulse to supplicate my egoccentrism. and since i can't recall the ten commandments off the top of my head i'll merely replace them with these points of modern satanism. :D

1. Respect not pity or weakness, for they are a disease which makes sick the strong.
2. Test always your strength, for therein lies success.
3. Never love anything so much you cannot see it die.
4. Build not upon sand, but upon rock And build not for today or yesterday but for all time.
5. Die rather than submit.
6. Forge not works of art but swords of death, for therein lies great art.
7. The blood of the living makes good fertilizer for the seeds of the new.
8. Nothing is beautiful except man: but most beautiful of all is woman.
9. Reject all illusion and lies, for they hinder the strong.
10. What does not kill, makes stronger.

likely i would end up writing more than ten if i were to found a cult. but these are some fine points to live by. equivalent if not diametrically opposed to the ten commandments of christianity.

if i had to concieve of my own they would read something like this:

1.Though man is the most powerfull animal. Honor the creatures you consume. But above all respect and honor the plants of the earth.
2. Destroy the physically distorted, the weak, and the diseased. For they are the bringers of a wasting death.
3. Music and art are divine inspiration. Honor them above all else.
4. War is necessary but take not the life of an unarmed man or woman.
5. Honor and truth are next to divinity.
6. The penalty for breaking the law is death.
7. Retain the wisdom of the past, but ever look to the future.
8. The marital union is never to be broken. It is the greatest dishonor to betray one's chosen mate.
9. Commerce shall be fair, with a concrete profit of twenty-five percent.
10. Riches are worth nothing to one who is unhappy. Generosity is holy.

i could write at least a hundred more. :)

#3
Qryztufre

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i could write at least a hundred more.


I believe that is was in "History of the World part2" (Mel Brooks is GOD) that had Moses come down from the mountain with three tablets to say...

"And these are the 15..."
*drops a tablet*
"...10 commandments!"

hehe...
Here is a visual: http://www.clt.astate.edu/wnarey/Bible%20a...let%20Moses.jpg (though, it's not from the film)

I'd assume that many here do not actually know what the commandments are, soooo....

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ten_Commandments

Blessed Be the great and mighty WIKI!

And for a bit quicker access to them here: http://www.flagguys.com/img/10comand.jpg

All hail the Great Father...Google!

Personally, I like these...
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#4
Nevar

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A bit off the intent of this topic, but do christians realize that they break two of the first four, catholics break three (three of the reasons I'm no longer catholic)? If you don't see it , open your eyes

one should really do it for all of us, why have ten?

RULE NUMBER ONE

Be good to one another, even if you are annoyed by everyone, for the sacrifice you make in the name of peace may not bring you happiness but it may just get your soul into a good place after you are a putrid corpse being eaten by worms and such.

:wizard: and the lord or lordette or whatever said unto thee "You done did good, now you get to go back as a worm and eat yourself" :wizard:

#5
Cyrus

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1. All should honor the Earth and rejoice in it's herbs.
2. Respect each others preference in a sexual mate.
3. Swing...God Damnit...Swing
4. Country is deemed blood thinning...so all country music is banned so we can keep the inbreeding to a minimul
5. All presidents/rulers get 100 lashes from each citizen for every soldier that dies in a war.
6. Microwaves destroy the taste of food...all will cook on gas burning stoves and make harty meals.
7. Ninja's can beat pirates, unless it's a pirate-ninja.
8. Cars are no longer needed, niether is fuel, all shall ride horses and maybe some oxen...camels too.
9. Cigerettes are to be held holy among all areas, non shall ever have to put out a cig to walk into a public area.
10. The original crew of Star Trek will continue to do the show until they die on live tv from old age.
11. Fredryk Phox will be everyone's new psychiatrist.
12. Did I mention the swingers thing?

THE ENRAGED MONKEY!!!

GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, PEOPLE KILL PEOPLE AND MONKEYS DO TOO (if they've got a gun)

#6
Reverie

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I only have one these days:

Do as ye will and harm none.If I were to add to that it would be:

Thou shalt not leave the empty milk carton in the fridge or leave an empty TP roll in the bathroom without calling someone to bring more home with them because:



What you do comes back on you three times. <---Every holy book in the world says that somewhere, someway.
Do or do not. There is no try." ~ Yoda

#7
Shattered Skulls

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1. Thou shalt serve thy god, Shattered Skulls, with humility with complete subserviance and unwavering loyalty unto the last of your days.
2. Thou shalt not be a stupid man, lest ye be roughly castrated and cast down into a pit of hungry sharks.
3. Thou shalt not be a stupid woman, lest ye be violated by drunken gorillas and cast down into a pit of hungry rats.
4. Thou shalt not touch any child in any manner of sexual violation, lest ye be skinned alive by wild-eyed hayenas with very sharp teeth and left for dead in the African wilderness.
5. Thou shalt not kill more than five times with intent in any given lifetime, lest thou be brutally tortured and gutted like a fish.
6. Thou shalt not steal, lest you be sold into slavery after being flogged 100 times with a steel-tipped rawhide whip.
7. Thou shalt not utter false truths or half-truths, lest your tongue be removed and your eyes be gouged out and your nose be cut off.
8. Thou shalt sacrifice thy first-born female unto thy god, Shattered Skulls, via sexual slavery unto him for the remainder of her days, or unto the end of her ability to please her god, Shattered Skulls.
9. Thou shalt kill all ugly babies and torture all who shalt speak of them constantly to those whom do not give a shit in the first place.
10. Thou shalt grant thy god, Shattered Skulls, full control of all wealth and possessions and trade and governing of all peoples and nations for all eternity.

Yes, I'm vile and despicable and cruel. Sue me.

:wizard: B)

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"If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different, I'd rather be completely fucking mental!"
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We're all born the same way: wet, cold, and screaming; life is just as messy as death.
We all eat, drink, piss, shit, fuck, and die. Someone mind tellin' me the punch line?


#8
Sinvisigoth

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1. Anything is good if it is made of chocolate.

2. Wear one item of purple clothing every day.

3. If you absolutely must kill people then do it quietly and clean up after yourself. Remember, cleanliness is next to godliness.

4. All boys over the age of six must spend two hours a week being taught how to tickle trout by the local clergy.

5. All Christians must go straight to Hell no matter how nice you were before you kicked the bucket.

6. All atheists who find themselves in Hell may redeem themselves by offering sexual favours or sacrificing Christians.

7. You must sexually harass one total hottie per day.

8. If you are a hottie then you must find someone even hotter than yourself.

9. You must love Eddie Izzard. The penalty for not obeying this one is death by Mars Bar.

10. DO NOT EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER, EVER ADMIT TO LIKING THE SPICE GIRLS.
Laugh at tyrants and the tragedy they inflict; our tears are evidence of subservience but our laughter condemns them to ignominy.

I'm going to do everything and everyone I ever wanted to do, some stuff I said I'd never do so I know what i'm missing out on, and then I'm going to make glow in the dark chocolate pudding for everyone.

Underworld officials say they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment for the terrorists.

"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."

#9
Shattered Skulls

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Who's Eddie Izzard? Other than that, I promise to obey your commandments - mainly because I like #3. LOL

Edited by Shattered Skulls, 22 March 2007 - 11:29 AM.

Posted Image
Posted ImageI see what you did there.Posted Image
Posted ImageA fractured mind is a beautiful thing.Posted Image
Posted ImageThe internet is for...Posted Image
"If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different, I'd rather be completely fucking mental!"
(Angelina Jolie)

Posted Image

We're all born the same way: wet, cold, and screaming; life is just as messy as death.
We all eat, drink, piss, shit, fuck, and die. Someone mind tellin' me the punch line?


#10
Sinvisigoth

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He's an unbelieveably talented and intelligent comedian. If you have some kind of download programme see if you can find any of his shows. If not whole ones, then try and find his Death Star Canteen sketch. That alone is worth the effort.


http://www.eddieizzard.com/thingie_things/video.izz
Laugh at tyrants and the tragedy they inflict; our tears are evidence of subservience but our laughter condemns them to ignominy.

I'm going to do everything and everyone I ever wanted to do, some stuff I said I'd never do so I know what i'm missing out on, and then I'm going to make glow in the dark chocolate pudding for everyone.

Underworld officials say they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment for the terrorists.

"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."

#11
Shattered Skulls

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LOL Gotcha. I like Rich Vos, myself - he's got a pissy attitude that comes off funny. LOL

Posted Image
Posted ImageI see what you did there.Posted Image
Posted ImageA fractured mind is a beautiful thing.Posted Image
Posted ImageThe internet is for...Posted Image
"If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different, I'd rather be completely fucking mental!"
(Angelina Jolie)

Posted Image

We're all born the same way: wet, cold, and screaming; life is just as messy as death.
We all eat, drink, piss, shit, fuck, and die. Someone mind tellin' me the punch line?


#12
Vharkron

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I know of Eddie Izzard. I personally really like Robin Williams' stand up perfomances. He's so vulgar sometimes:P.

His movies on the other hand......Jesus Tittyfucking Christ....Patch Adams...C'mon

Edited by Vharkron, 22 March 2007 - 11:23 PM.


#13
Sinvisigoth

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Dude he could make a bad movie a day for the next twenty years and they'd still be cancelled out by the fantasicness of Good Morning Vietnam! ;P
Laugh at tyrants and the tragedy they inflict; our tears are evidence of subservience but our laughter condemns them to ignominy.

I'm going to do everything and everyone I ever wanted to do, some stuff I said I'd never do so I know what i'm missing out on, and then I'm going to make glow in the dark chocolate pudding for everyone.

Underworld officials say they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment for the terrorists.

"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."

#14
Shattered Skulls

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Actually, I like some of his more serious stuff. But Good Morning Vietnam was definitely the best - and funniest. :D

Posted Image
Posted ImageI see what you did there.Posted Image
Posted ImageA fractured mind is a beautiful thing.Posted Image
Posted ImageThe internet is for...Posted Image
"If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different, I'd rather be completely fucking mental!"
(Angelina Jolie)

Posted Image

We're all born the same way: wet, cold, and screaming; life is just as messy as death.
We all eat, drink, piss, shit, fuck, and die. Someone mind tellin' me the punch line?


#15
Sinvisigoth

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As much as I love Good Morning Vietnam, my all time favourite film of his is Dead Poets Society. That just gives me goosebumps. I hope they never do a remake of that; that would be sacrilege.
Laugh at tyrants and the tragedy they inflict; our tears are evidence of subservience but our laughter condemns them to ignominy.

I'm going to do everything and everyone I ever wanted to do, some stuff I said I'd never do so I know what i'm missing out on, and then I'm going to make glow in the dark chocolate pudding for everyone.

Underworld officials say they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment for the terrorists.

"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."

#16
Shattered Skulls

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Damn straight. That, too, was one of his best. I particularly like the students' reactions when he was told to leave. Now that's loyalty. :)

Edited by Shattered Skulls, 25 March 2007 - 09:52 PM.

Posted Image
Posted ImageI see what you did there.Posted Image
Posted ImageA fractured mind is a beautiful thing.Posted Image
Posted ImageThe internet is for...Posted Image
"If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different, I'd rather be completely fucking mental!"
(Angelina Jolie)

Posted Image

We're all born the same way: wet, cold, and screaming; life is just as messy as death.
We all eat, drink, piss, shit, fuck, and die. Someone mind tellin' me the punch line?


#17
Sinvisigoth

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Didn't work nearly so well when they tried to copy it with...White Squall? Think that was it. That blew.
Laugh at tyrants and the tragedy they inflict; our tears are evidence of subservience but our laughter condemns them to ignominy.

I'm going to do everything and everyone I ever wanted to do, some stuff I said I'd never do so I know what i'm missing out on, and then I'm going to make glow in the dark chocolate pudding for everyone.

Underworld officials say they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment for the terrorists.

"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."

#18
Shattered Skulls

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Sorry. Never saw that one.

Posted Image
Posted ImageI see what you did there.Posted Image
Posted ImageA fractured mind is a beautiful thing.Posted Image
Posted ImageThe internet is for...Posted Image
"If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different, I'd rather be completely fucking mental!"
(Angelina Jolie)

Posted Image

We're all born the same way: wet, cold, and screaming; life is just as messy as death.
We all eat, drink, piss, shit, fuck, and die. Someone mind tellin' me the punch line?


#19
Vash_The_Stampede

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1. The diseased shall be thrown into a volcano.

2. Anyone who cheats on a lover shall be flogged until loss of blood makes them pass out.

3. You May commit murder, only if you clean the body up and have a valid reason, not some "in the name of the father, son, and holy ghost bullshit.

4. Rapists shall be castrated and made to live naked in the Sahara desert being raped by native animals.

5. Distilling and selling your own alcohol shall be legal in any place where sufficient supplies of needed materials to make said alcohol exist.

6. If your company is not in india and you put your tech support there, you will be forced to wear a turban for life and have a angry badger shoved up your ass daily.

7. if more than 40% of a country is starving, food or celebrities are to be cooked and donated. (bye stallone.)

8. If you steal an item from someone who isnt a douchebag you will be sent to live in Siberia, without hands.

9. Anime will be shown freely and worshipped, even hentai.

10. If caught talking on a cellphone while driving you will have it and a shockprobe inserted anally.
One day, someone is gonna die for asking if i can see through my hair, would i be able to walk around if i couldn't?

#20
Sinvisigoth

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Those are my new favourite commandments! Especially 1 and 6!!!
Laugh at tyrants and the tragedy they inflict; our tears are evidence of subservience but our laughter condemns them to ignominy.

I'm going to do everything and everyone I ever wanted to do, some stuff I said I'd never do so I know what i'm missing out on, and then I'm going to make glow in the dark chocolate pudding for everyone.

Underworld officials say they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment for the terrorists.

"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."




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