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I am pathetic.


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#1
Shattered Skulls

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I've had a couple of girlfriends in my seemingly short lifespan of 23 years. However, one thing I've noticed - and it doesn't please me, to tell you the truth - is that I'm never the one to initiate things. My first girlfriend said I was cute, and things kind of progressed from there; that was when I was fourteen. Another girlfriend of mine liked certain - erm, 'thought pattern's, I'll call them - within my brain; she initiated things, and we - well, let's not go there. Point being, I'm always on the receiving end. My problem is that I don't know how to be on the other end.

I can talk to men or women all day long with no problem. I can be as much of a friendly chatterbox as anyone else. But I can't seem to ask a girl out.

Now, I will say this: I'm a hundred pounds overweight and trying to lose it; I've started walking every day, and I plan on buying a scale so I measure my [hopeful] weight loss. But does that really matter in this particular scenario?

Assuming it doesn't, how in the hell am I supposed to ask a girl out? And yes, I know all about rejection - but I'm not the kind of guy that can take a dozen hits and keep going, if you know what I mean. Knowing me, I'd eventually give up if I did starting asking girls to go out with me and kept getting rejected.

Yes, I'm pathetic. But am I hopeless?

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We're all born the same way: wet, cold, and screaming; life is just as messy as death.
We all eat, drink, piss, shit, fuck, and die. Someone mind tellin' me the punch line?


#2
Sinvisigoth

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Oh man you are not hopeless. I am 29 years old, have only had two boyfriends - both of whom I knew as friends through DF before we got together - and I have only ever asked a guy out once and it was the most humiliating experience of my life so I've basically been single for the last three and a half years and itís likely to continue indefinitely. I can talk to anyone and everyone but the SECOND I realise that I like a guy I can only act 'just mates' with him, almost to the point of being cold. I worry so much about being so unattractive that I just assume that every guy out there will laugh at me (for even daring to show that I like them) that I am physically unable to interact with them in a romantic way. I honestly donít expect to ever have anyone to be with.

The one thing that I find ever so slightly not so scary is asking if a guy (that I know that I like but whom I don't want to know that I like him) fancies going down the pub, to a car rally, a gig, bowling, whatever, with the knowledge that if he gets that look in his eye like 'oh my god I cant believe THAT just asked me out' I will say REALLY, REALLY COOL AND CASUAL Ďdude itís not a date I just fancy a trip down theÖwhateverí in such a way that makes it sound like I wouldn't want it to be a date anyway. Which is complete and utter bollocks but it keeps my dignity intact.

Now I imagine that this is all completely useless to you by way of advice but at least you know youíre not the only one!
Laugh at tyrants and the tragedy they inflict; our tears are evidence of subservience but our laughter condemns them to ignominy.

I'm going to do everything and everyone I ever wanted to do, some stuff I said I'd never do so I know what i'm missing out on, and then I'm going to make glow in the dark chocolate pudding for everyone.

Underworld officials say they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment for the terrorists.

"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."

#3
Vharkron

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You guys aren't alone. I was always the same way you guys are now. Scared of humiliating rejection and such; so I just gave up and never asked gals out anymore. I never had luck to begin with so I threw in the towel. But today, I am happily married. Have hope and someday you might just bounce unexpectadly into someone who you feel totally comfortable around. My wife, I just so happened to meet while playing an online game. This online relationship took flight and eventually i flew from Canada to Sweden to see her and now she's living with me here.

So not all is lost. I hope this story gives you a little hope.
Some people do end up alone, but that is fine as well. Just think of all the arguments and nonsensical bullshit you will miss out on :lol: .

#4
Shattered Skulls

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Yes, but the arguments would be normal.

:rolleyes:

Anyway...

That doesn't answer my question, but thanks. <_<

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Posted ImageI see what you did there.Posted Image
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"If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different, I'd rather be completely fucking mental!"
(Angelina Jolie)

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We're all born the same way: wet, cold, and screaming; life is just as messy as death.
We all eat, drink, piss, shit, fuck, and die. Someone mind tellin' me the punch line?


#5
Sinvisigoth

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OK, to be more specific, then:

No, your weight at the moment most likely wont matter to girls. But it will matter if it matters to you and you act in a different way than you would if you didn't have it. My weight's gone up and down over the years and while it hasn't mattered a jot to guys, it's mattered to me and when it's mattering to me I am more shy and defensive. That is what puts guys off. When I'm smaller as I am now, I get more attention from guys than I am actually comfortable with, not because of the looks so much but the confidence. Confidence is the biggest attractor to both sexes, more so than ANY physical feature. And in all honesty most of the time it comes with age rather than stunning good looks. Some of the most beautiful people in the world on the outside are the most neurotic; having had people comment on their looks their whole lives they've had the confidence but also have the deep fear of losing it.

No you're also not hopeless. You actually sound pretty hopeful and positive. That's a bonus and you'd be surprised how attractive just a little determination can be.
Laugh at tyrants and the tragedy they inflict; our tears are evidence of subservience but our laughter condemns them to ignominy.

I'm going to do everything and everyone I ever wanted to do, some stuff I said I'd never do so I know what i'm missing out on, and then I'm going to make glow in the dark chocolate pudding for everyone.

Underworld officials say they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment for the terrorists.

"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."

#6
Vharkron

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Yeah amen sistah. *falls over and thrashes from the incredible holy spirit of the spaghetti monster*


hehehe.

But yeah, totally agreed.

Edited by Vharkron, 27 March 2007 - 08:29 AM.


#7
Shattered Skulls

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Okay...

So, now all I need is a 3-piece suit and a Rolls, then.

LOL

Okay, then.

So...

How do I ask a girl out, then? I mean, honestly? I've asked a girl out twice in my entire life? Both times were - eh - well, let's just say they didn't exactly yield positive results.

:ph34r:

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Posted ImageI see what you did there.Posted Image
Posted ImageA fractured mind is a beautiful thing.Posted Image
Posted ImageThe internet is for...Posted Image
"If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different, I'd rather be completely fucking mental!"
(Angelina Jolie)

Posted Image

We're all born the same way: wet, cold, and screaming; life is just as messy as death.
We all eat, drink, piss, shit, fuck, and die. Someone mind tellin' me the punch line?


#8
Dirk

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I think you shouldn't force yourself to ask people out.

You give your location "the local bar" in your profile. Just go there, have a good evening/night or whatver you're planning, try to chat up a little with someone that appears nice (doesn't mean looks drop dead beauties, those ones usually have the brain capacity of a walnut or a boyfriend the size of a silverback gorilla). The nice ones might chat back, you exchange adresses, phonenumbers, homing pigeon station, or anyhting else, and agree to see eachother again in the near future. Don't force anything, just be yourself and be honest.

All said by a guy who's probably more or less the male version of Sinvisigoth :lol:

Edited by Dirk, 04 April 2007 - 12:34 PM.

Unauthorized Copying is not only forbidden, but will prey upon your conscience, spoil your sleep, destroy your complexion, and eventually will wind up turning you into the kind of person who drinks methylated spirits out of a bottle hidden in a brown paper bag, and who lives under bridges, burps noxiously, and prays day and night for release from the unsupportable burden their life has become. We thought you'd appreciate the warning.
Originally from a Neil Gaiman cd, so i might suffer from all the things mentioned above.

#9
Shattered Skulls

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LOL

Actually, I just put that there because it's something my dad would say - and I couldn't really think of anything funny when I put it in. Heh.

But okay. There're certainly plenty of bars in this city.

Posted Image
Posted ImageI see what you did there.Posted Image
Posted ImageA fractured mind is a beautiful thing.Posted Image
Posted ImageThe internet is for...Posted Image
"If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different, I'd rather be completely fucking mental!"
(Angelina Jolie)

Posted Image

We're all born the same way: wet, cold, and screaming; life is just as messy as death.
We all eat, drink, piss, shit, fuck, and die. Someone mind tellin' me the punch line?


#10
Shattered Skulls

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Now I'm totally lost.

:blink:

Maybe I should go gay...I'd probably have better luck. <_<

* * * * *

Okay, so here's the deal: I go out with this girl. Don't know what the hell she saw in me to begin with, but I'm starting to think that maybe she was just gonna give it a chance like I was.

Anyway, so I go out with this girl. I take her to dinner at a pool hall slash bar and grill I know of. They've got real good food there. Anyway, found out she liked pool (so do I) and she was a complete vegetarian. Which is totally fine; I have no problem with health nuts - unless they don't want ME eating meat, but she didn't have a problem with that apparently.

<_<

Oh, and let's call her Lisa. I won't give out her real name, for what should be obvious reasons. The same reasons I won't give out MY real name, as a matter of fact.

Anyway...back on track here...

So I take her out to dinner. I pay. She insists on paying for the pool games - we play like five or six of them total - a couple before, and a couple after. Then I take her home.

So we're talking, all fine and dandy, enjoying the cool air (we apparently live about a block from one another, and the bar's only about a block from where I live). Then she gives me a peck on the cheek at the door. I keep getting the impression that she's weighing me throughout the whole date, maybe seeing if I really am just a nice guy or if I'm not worth the trouble. Then she does that. Which is cool, except that then she's waiting for something - like maybe I give her a real kiss - and then, when I can't think of anything to say and try to give her a good-night kiss and get her number, she basically avoids the whole thing and then we're off to a rough separation. I did get her number, but I'm totally lost.

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?!

I don't get women...

<_<

Posted Image
Posted ImageI see what you did there.Posted Image
Posted ImageA fractured mind is a beautiful thing.Posted Image
Posted ImageThe internet is for...Posted Image
"If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different, I'd rather be completely fucking mental!"
(Angelina Jolie)

Posted Image

We're all born the same way: wet, cold, and screaming; life is just as messy as death.
We all eat, drink, piss, shit, fuck, and die. Someone mind tellin' me the punch line?


#11
Sinvisigoth

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I think you might have been right about her weighing the situation up, but the fact that she paid for the pool games but didn't insist on paying half of the meal is positive. As is the fact that she agreed to go on a date to begin with.

IF she hadn't had any interest at all, it's likely that she would have felt uncomfortable about taking your money/having her meal paid for as it's a 'date' thing to do (my point being that if she didn't want it to be a date she would have insisted on paying her fair share). She also didn't bring the evening to a close straight after the meal or give you only a token one or two games of pool. You say you had five or six games of pool. She kissed you on the cheek. Now she may have balked at a 'proper' kiss so soon but no matter how small or brief or lacking in intimacy her kiss was, it was still A KISS. This DOES NOT HAPPEN if the woman is completely disinterested. If she hadn't been interested all you'd have gotten would be a tight smile with no teeth showing that didn't reach her eyes.

I think at this point I would have to assume that she was/is interested but is also cautious. Perhaps you feeling nervous made her feel nervous. She'd already kissed you and might have felt that you weren't quick enough with one in response or seemed hesitant. This might have made her feel silly for making the first move or just unsure as to how interested you are.

The best thing you can possibly do at this point is call her as soon as possible to thank her for a great time (this is important; we want her to know that you had a good time with her and that you think enough of her to call her to thank her instead of/as well as just saying it at the time). Slip in something along the lines of 'I'm sorry if I spoiled the ending by being a bit clumsy; I really enjoy being around you and it makes me a bit nervous'. We ladies respond to honesty and openness so show her that you are the nice guy she was hoping you'd be by a] thanking her for her company and b] being up front about the fact that you like her enough that it makes you nervous.

Nervousness, as long as it's not the trembling like a baby bunny can't say one word kind, is something we generally take as a compliment ;D see we're very much aware that we have the upper hand when it comes to effecting a guy's pulse and letting us know when we've managed to do just that is something we quite like.

Seriously, if you like this girl, donít do what I do and pretend that friends is good enough. Most of the time it isnít and when that happens it kills you inside if you make do because you donít have the courage to tell the other person you feel more.

The longer you leave calling her, though, the more likely you are to slip into the Ďfriendí zone. All of the above suggestions can be actioned without any loss of face so keep your cool, hopefully have fun talking to her on the phone (a non face to face situation might be a great way to chat a little easier and help things along a bit) and enjoy your next date ;D
Laugh at tyrants and the tragedy they inflict; our tears are evidence of subservience but our laughter condemns them to ignominy.

I'm going to do everything and everyone I ever wanted to do, some stuff I said I'd never do so I know what i'm missing out on, and then I'm going to make glow in the dark chocolate pudding for everyone.

Underworld officials say they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment for the terrorists.

"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."

#12
Sinvisigoth

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Damn I didn't see how old that post was. Have you called her or been on a second date yet? If you haven't for god's sake call her! ;Q
Laugh at tyrants and the tragedy they inflict; our tears are evidence of subservience but our laughter condemns them to ignominy.

I'm going to do everything and everyone I ever wanted to do, some stuff I said I'd never do so I know what i'm missing out on, and then I'm going to make glow in the dark chocolate pudding for everyone.

Underworld officials say they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment for the terrorists.

"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."

#13
Shattered Skulls

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Heh.

Well...I suppose I'm not a complete idiot.

I did call her a few days after I posted that - like four or five days.

Is that too late? :ph34r:

We talked a bit...said I enjoyed the date...she said the same, but I couldn't tell at the time if she was being truthful or polite. :blink: Anyway, I couldn't get up the courage to ask her out again...so I think that might've been a bad sign on my part. :(

But I called her a few days ago - the day after you posted this, apparently. I asked her out again, and we're going out tomorrow night. I'll let you know how it goes. In case you see this before then, though...any advice? I mean, I plan on bringing her a rose...least I can do for such a bad ending to that last date. :unsure: But anything else?

:ph34r:

Edited by Shattered Skulls, 18 May 2007 - 10:41 PM.

Posted Image
Posted ImageI see what you did there.Posted Image
Posted ImageA fractured mind is a beautiful thing.Posted Image
Posted ImageThe internet is for...Posted Image
"If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different, I'd rather be completely fucking mental!"
(Angelina Jolie)

Posted Image

We're all born the same way: wet, cold, and screaming; life is just as messy as death.
We all eat, drink, piss, shit, fuck, and die. Someone mind tellin' me the punch line?


#14
Shattered Skulls

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Good GOD, I think I'm in love.

:wizard:

Okay. So, we've gone out on two dates since I last posted here. Lisa* and I really just talked randomly about one thing or another on the first date. On our second date (the one on the 18th), we mostly talked about different bands and movies and stuff. We actually ended up going out to dinner and then I walked her home (like we did on the first date). This time, I kissed her before we parted - and not on the cheek, either. That was cool. :D

Anyway, so the third date was on the 23rd (two days ago, on Wednesday night). I brought her another rose and we went out to dinner again. But when I walked her home, she invited me in. She lives alone, unless you count the calico cat that walks around investigating everything. :rolleyes: Kind of cute, actually. Anyway, we watched Star Wars: Episode I together and then I kissed her and headed home. God...this woman loves the entire Star Wars series and every one of the Star Trek movies. She likes all the Star Trek series, and she's into the Eagles and Journey.

<_<

This is like meeting my twin sister or something. :lol: I think I'm in love. :wub: B)

EDIT: Oh, and did I mention she's really hot? And I thought hitting the jackpot was out of my reach...but I'll stop talking about it now before I jinx it.

:ph34r:

*Name changed to protect the beautiful. :rolleyes:

Edited by Shattered Skulls, 25 May 2007 - 07:49 PM.

Posted Image
Posted ImageI see what you did there.Posted Image
Posted ImageA fractured mind is a beautiful thing.Posted Image
Posted ImageThe internet is for...Posted Image
"If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different, I'd rather be completely fucking mental!"
(Angelina Jolie)

Posted Image

We're all born the same way: wet, cold, and screaming; life is just as messy as death.
We all eat, drink, piss, shit, fuck, and die. Someone mind tellin' me the punch line?


#15
Sinvisigoth

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I am so so glad this is going well! You seem to be doing everything right, hun so my only advice now is keep being you and showing consideration and thoughtfulness and you wont go far wrong.
Laugh at tyrants and the tragedy they inflict; our tears are evidence of subservience but our laughter condemns them to ignominy.

I'm going to do everything and everyone I ever wanted to do, some stuff I said I'd never do so I know what i'm missing out on, and then I'm going to make glow in the dark chocolate pudding for everyone.

Underworld officials say they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment for the terrorists.

"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."

#16
Shattered Skulls

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^_^

Posted Image
Posted ImageI see what you did there.Posted Image
Posted ImageA fractured mind is a beautiful thing.Posted Image
Posted ImageThe internet is for...Posted Image
"If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different, I'd rather be completely fucking mental!"
(Angelina Jolie)

Posted Image

We're all born the same way: wet, cold, and screaming; life is just as messy as death.
We all eat, drink, piss, shit, fuck, and die. Someone mind tellin' me the punch line?


#17
Shattered Skulls

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LOL

Well, if you insist. :rolleyes:

We've been going together since May now, doing about one date a week. We really hit it off. ^_^ Last week we went and saw the new Die Hard flick and loved it. God, I could seriously get into this woman - and no, I didn't mean that in a lewd way. <_<

So, I have a question...

And it's a tentative one, since I don't feel comfortable actually asking just yet. I don't know...

When's the right time to pop the question? I mean, I've only known her for what - three months? Something like that. Anyway, I don't want to rush things and I don't know if she'd be ready for something like that and I'm not entirely certain if I'm ready for something like that and I hear about all kinds of things about waiting so long before you pop the question or whatever and...

Phew.

Heh.

:ph34r:

Point being...

IS there a particular time you're supposed to wait, like six months or a year at least that you're together before you ask, or...?

:blink:

:ph34r:

Posted Image
Posted ImageI see what you did there.Posted Image
Posted ImageA fractured mind is a beautiful thing.Posted Image
Posted ImageThe internet is for...Posted Image
"If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different, I'd rather be completely fucking mental!"
(Angelina Jolie)

Posted Image

We're all born the same way: wet, cold, and screaming; life is just as messy as death.
We all eat, drink, piss, shit, fuck, and die. Someone mind tellin' me the punch line?


#18
Sinvisigoth

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OK...please clarify whether by 'popping the question' mean asking about sex or if you are actually thinking about proposing. Coz over here it only means proposing...not sure if it applies to anything else over there.
Laugh at tyrants and the tragedy they inflict; our tears are evidence of subservience but our laughter condemns them to ignominy.

I'm going to do everything and everyone I ever wanted to do, some stuff I said I'd never do so I know what i'm missing out on, and then I'm going to make glow in the dark chocolate pudding for everyone.

Underworld officials say they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment for the terrorists.

"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."

#19
Sinvisigoth

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Having reread your post I don't think it matters which it is as you say you're not sure you're ready for it. The ideal time to wait for either of the things I mentioned is until you're both comfortable with the idea so I'd hold off bringing it up at least until you're ready.
Laugh at tyrants and the tragedy they inflict; our tears are evidence of subservience but our laughter condemns them to ignominy.

I'm going to do everything and everyone I ever wanted to do, some stuff I said I'd never do so I know what i'm missing out on, and then I'm going to make glow in the dark chocolate pudding for everyone.

Underworld officials say they have not yet decided on a permanent punishment for the terrorists.

"Eventually, we'll settle on an eternal and unending task for them," said Lord Androalphus, High Praetor of Excruciations. "But for now, everyone down here wants a crack at them. The legions of fang-wombed hags will take their pleasure on their shattered carcasses for most of this afternoon. Tomorrow, their flesh will be melted from their bones like wax in the burning embrace of the Mother of Cowards. The day after that, they'll be sodomized by the Fallen and their bowels shredded by a demonic ejaculate of burning sand. Then, on Sunday, Satan gets them all day. I can't even imagine what he's got cooked up for them."

#20
Shattered Skulls

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Okay, cool...so I don't have to marry her six months after dating her. Gotcha. Heh.

Just don't wanna screw it up, y'know?

:ph34r:

And yeah, I meant marriage...I like her too much; I don't know if I could bring myself to ask a girl as pretty as her for sex. :lol:

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We're all born the same way: wet, cold, and screaming; life is just as messy as death.
We all eat, drink, piss, shit, fuck, and die. Someone mind tellin' me the punch line?





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