Very random boredom..from my journal..which is..sort of..poetry..tho that's just my writing style. I've been thinking lately about writing a full length book in this fashion.Tho i'm at a loss for what about. My creativity has jumped off acliff lately.
The sun rises even in the fog.. creeping up on humanity ..a spider on a string.. never knowing what the day will bring.. a fate as weak to wind as that arachnid spins.. four stories up when I drop my pen.. teatering on the edge of a back porch oblivion.. the magpyes cackle in their tree... and I can't help but think their laughing at me.. so I left it there below me.. and throw down with it the idea of being free.. as bound to this electric manuscript.. as to this elusive enlightenment... so here's my sorrow take a sip... forget the end and enjoy the trip.
I feel kind of..disappearing...a verb as an adjective and so improper...I am sort of..losing..something..and the only wonder there is ..where is I..going?..because I feel kind of awake..when I've always been sleeping... sort of trapped.. when I wasn't done running..from nothing. So much is so right..and so much right is fucking in so much wrong...and it just doesn't know if cumming is right or not... nonsense. That's all I seem to think anymore..scrambled with too much cheese.
Um.. I was gonna post more.. but opendiary.com is down and that's where my main journal is..poop.Oh teh wells..not like this thread wouldve sparked conversation anyhow.
EDIT: it is up again, and Im still bored cause Enki is away I shall posted more. Super randomness btw i just picked from some froma like 4 year span. ANd they shall run together because im the antiline seperation god!
...the day life does not suit me..the sun turns my eyes a blind green..and my mind finds no truth only rabbit hole thoughts that are barely seen.. and i miss him so.. he becomes the elusive fluffy tail hopping haphazardly threw them all...
I think I'm loosing my mind.
...closing my eyes i feel it like static.. warm but somehow tragic.. the spinning red haze finally finds its end and in..but mind's mind cant take the noise... toses concentration... like this tired child and his toy.
(fitting cause hes gone misisng again)
I'm not a good person.
You're wrong to think me one.
I'm wrong to pretend I know what one is.
I said... "Two Squirrels beat 6 bunnies on meth everytime"... I watched the veins in her forehead pump pump pump.
I said..."I can't wait till they invent those thought control devices so we can take half these whiney minority bitches and place nazi mindsets in their heads.. and watch them battle it out till their all dead".. I watched her patience with me fade like my sensibilty.
I said.."Procrastination is like a 12 handed pedophile demon with idle hands in a preschool... someone's getting fucked.".. I watched her stop procrastinating, and start yelling.
She said.." You're not a good person.".. I wondered when I ever said I was.
I need to find a center outside of this page centerted.
My words are everywhere.. falling...
out of focus
out of line
a mythical creature found in sharp decline
I'll shape them like arrows and shoot them straight threw time.
(ahah i dont recal writing that coupled well with this second one which was an actual converstion froma younger age..i was on a offensive roll)
"The darkness is all around you.. I can see it in your eyes..
Are You Afraid? "
"No.. I have a nightlight."
"Yes... let the bible be your light child...."
"You mean you want me to light it on fire?"
Timeline a dream, and you can see the evolution of a broken soul.. bring it into someplace broken, someplace that is no place.. for a child.. and let it seep in all the worlds disgrace.. no matter how strong.. no matter what kind..no matter for anything.. and it'll fall to peices ina brilliant instant.. and become something worthless.. that's all this humanity has left in it to do.. to downgade everything to nothing..steps proud to it's annihilation.. it'll die.. or it'll adapt.. pick up it's pieces and rebuild them.. not quite right..find a place where there is no light.. and hide the bad things to pretend everythings alrite.. and they'll grow..and become the person behind the smile you now know.. dual reality..split personality.. a gift to humanity, for never minding the rule of three. And now I'm a fading fucking shadow of the person i used to be..and i have to wonder how anyone could stretch to love me.. and she wispers from her dark.. that no one can.. replacement and second best your egos gone to test.. and i dont know... where i go... and i should have come back to surface by now...and i can feel their hands.. pushing me deeper... and i can feel my energy.. getting weaker.. and I wish that I could take you from your past.. so you could be here... to be set free.
(im begng to notice my writing is all very sad )
.. and all views shift.. right there in a dreams slip... isolation.. and the doors slam hollow...you'd think ... taken in all the worlds drug.. sorrow... and never been so sober... eyes clear for a forbidden folder.. if you could believe the truth when told it... if you could find companionship and hold it... find your soul before you sold it.. come full circle...and find the mold fits it.. and you'll still need to fix it.... peices by ticks and clicks.. all at once it ceases to exsist.. left to seize the mist.. ..all .. in a broken fist... bliss found in a twist.. and now sanity drifts....
..scattered photographs..ammoungst badly drawn memories of the past..slashes with specs of reality.. and no one really grasps.. that's all it is .. in it's end.. this exsistence.. and what you'd call a friend..one more step is taken.. and one more step is lost.. if only all the others could understand the cost...
There's a moth fluttering across the sun of my window like it were a butterfly. That moth thinks it is a butterfly.... If that moth were a butterfly, the world wouldn't love butterflies. The world hates what isn't what it's supposed to be, but how does the world know what "its" supposed to be?
hah-ah..tic toc tic..so much time..what to do..listen to the dove cooo..I've got a pen..lost my paper..I'll forget to find it later...pepsi..cool and refreshing, but not the voice of orginality..personality..looosing grip on reality..olives on my fingers..touch it to test it's valid..so many singers..but not many swingers..the feeling lingers..eagles got his talon..koolaid by the gallon....gonna get my hair cut...callious is too tuff.. My minds swimming in too much stuff.
Ah-hah tic toc tic
wow...this i getting long...*runs away*
Edited by rai, 03 June 2007 - 02:32 AM.