Jump to content

Welcome to Second Shifters Forums
Register now to gain access to all of our features. Once registered and logged in, you will be able to create topics, post replies to existing threads, give reputation to your fellow members, get your own private messenger, post status updates, manage your profile and so much more. If you already have an account, login here - otherwise create an account for free today!
Photo

"Someone else will..."


  • Please log in to reply
12 replies to this topic

#1
Sanctuary

Sanctuary

    The Last Exile

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 744 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Somewhere out there.
  • Interests:Dexter in training.
This is a phrase/ thought process that really gets to me from time to time so I'm posting about it. Some of you will know it and some of you might even see yourselves in it.

Hopefully - if nothing else - it will give you pause to think the next time you think or utter those words "Someone else will..."

Recently I've had two friends make comments to me that truly annoyed me. They are friends, I respect their opinions but in this case I disagree with their thought process.

How many times do you drive by a person in distress, say, for example, someone stuck at the side of the road. You've got your cell phone with you and you don't call for assistance because either you or perhaps even you passenger thinks or says "Someone else probably already called." How many times do you see a wrong done to someone and stay out of it so you don't "rock the boat" or assume "Someone else will correct it", "Someone else will help that person.", "Something already been done about it."

Someone else....

Someone else....

Someone else....

It's a phrase that from this moment on I'd love to see people remove from their vocabulary.

So my friends, one of them made this statement to me - and I'm paraphrasing it but this is as close to word for word as it gets:


Him: Why is it always you who has to put things right and put yourself at risk? Why don't you let someone else do it?

Me: I wait for people to do it. I wait, I wait and I wait and nothing. So, if it's not me, who's going to?

(Pause and silence)

Me: Are you going too?

(Pause and silence)

Me: (In my head) Yeah, that's what I thought.



Now that conversation really annoyed me. He's telling me that I shouldn't step up to the plate and others will - yet - I don't see him doing it and he couldn't even give me an example of someone else doing it. Frustrating!

Now I understand that this is my nature and not everyone has the same nature - we are all different. Not everyone is willing to put their heads on a chopping block for others - and that's fine, I'm not asking people too - but - why can't someone just pick up a phone when they see someone in need? You see someone crying - what - you can't go up to them and ask if they need help?

Now I realize that we often need to approach strange situations with caution and safety but even something as simple as a phone call? Come on.

Fact of the matter is that we are all that "Someone else" at some point and it's about time we all started acting like it.

Me, I am that someone else.

Who are you?
Posted Image

Sometimes it's in the darkness that we truly learn to see.

I'm Dexter in training - so watch it! Imma watchin' you!

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." - Winston Churchill

#2
Atnevon

Atnevon

    The Architect

  • Admin
  • 5,673 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:posing in a pink tutu and donning a tiara
It really is amazing to me just how many things people will pass off for the next person to take care of, and when you see a hundred people pass by a situation without doing a thing to help, it really can make you sad for the state of humanity in the world sometimes.

Who are you?


I'm far from perfect. I'll admit that there are a number of situations where I really regret not having done more to help, but on most days and in most circumstances I like to think that I'm the type of person that will take action on a situation and will lend a hand when someone needs it.

This isn't about having an ego trip in yourself. It's not about showing off, and it is most certainly not about expecting something back from every good deed you do in your life. Helping people (and animals for that matter) when they are in need is just the right thing to do, and all too often it's what doesn't end up getting done because so many people just pass it along hoping someone else will do it.

Sometimes saving the world seems like too big a task to take one single handed though, and that's understandable, but it's the small things that can make the biggest of differences. So, with that in mind, here's a few suggestions that might help to spot an opportunity to help someone.

1) If you see someone looking back and forth down a street and looking a little lost, ask them if you can help them find something.

2) If you drive your own car, carry an extra bottle or two of anti-freeze in the trunk. Not only will this be a good idea in case you have car trouble, but it's a great thing to have handy in case you spot someone with an overheated car on the side of the road. Jumper cables aren't a bad idea either for this kind of situation.

3) If you're going shopping and spot a stray shopping cart as you make your way to the door, grab it and use it for your own. Cart pushers will thank you.

4) Pick up trash you see lying and put it where it belongs. It doesn't matter if it's yours or not.

5) If you see a hurt animal or a pet that might have run away, try to help it and if it has a tag, call the owner right away. If you can't help the animal, call someone that can. No living being should have to suffer when there are people that can help.

6) If anyone ever talks about killing themself, make sure you tell them you're glad to have them around and wouldn't want them going anywhere. Even if they're completely joking, it's good to hear you're wanted. If they sound serious about it, stop whatever you're doing and have a long talk with them and find out what's going on in their life that's making them feel this way. *Walking away if they're still really shaken up is not an option* Whatever you were running off to before, it's less important than someone's life. Even if it's a complete stranger, give the person a way to contact you so that you can talk to them more. Let them know they're not alone, and if they're really on the edge, call in extra help. Police departments and hospitals are there to help people out in dire need. Take advantage of them, and never be scared to call. Even if it's a false alarm, do you really want to be the person that didn't call them and then have the worst happen?
The sky was the color of a television, tuned to a dead channel. - William Gibson

#3
Sanctuary

Sanctuary

    The Last Exile

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 744 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Somewhere out there.
  • Interests:Dexter in training.
Those are great suggestions Atnevon. :)

And I agree - we are not perfect creatures. There has been many a time I think "I should have done more." or "I could have done or should have done blah blah" we are all guilty of those things from time to time.

This past week I've been shocked at how many times I've heard those 'Someone else' words utter. To the point where I was like "what the helk! What's that all about?"

I know sometimes it's an inconvenience for us to do things - but - that's life. You deal together.

This is a great quote:

"Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody's going to know whether you did it or not.

It's the one thing about the concept of Karma that I find bothersome. The whole "point system". (But that's for another topic.) LOL

And btw helping a stray cat find it's owner is saving the world of one little animal and person! It counts. :D

It all counts. Every little thing we do - matters to someone, somewhere.

PS - I think I need to get some things in my car *nods* *nods more*
Posted Image

Sometimes it's in the darkness that we truly learn to see.

I'm Dexter in training - so watch it! Imma watchin' you!

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." - Winston Churchill

#4
Starphoenix Koroias

Starphoenix Koroias

    And To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 442 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Fort Bragg, North Carolina, USA (maybe)

5) If you see a hurt animal or a pet that might have run away, try to help it and if it has a tag, call the owner right away. If you can't help the animal, call someone that can. No living being should have to suffer when there are people that can help.


And btw helping a stray cat find it's owner is saving the world of one little animal and person! It counts.


*cackle* Then I guess I must be primo in this department...of course the owner(s) has/have yet to be contacted.... what are those noises tonight anyways? I help in my own unique way .....

2) If you drive your own car, carry an extra bottle or two of anti-freeze in the trunk. Not only will this be a good idea in case you have car trouble, but it's a great thing to have handy in case you spot someone with an overheated car on the side of the road. Jumper cables aren't a bad idea either for this kind of situation.

3) If you're going shopping and spot a stray shopping cart as you make your way to the door, grab it and use it for your own. Cart pushers will thank you.


for #2 -- A set of jumper cables, and emergency starter box, 4 quarts of oil, a gallon of water, an extra bottle of antifreeze, a pair of really big knives, and a batch of road flares. You can guess what the last two are for <_<

for #3 -- I used to be a cart pusher for a supermarket. I used to get a kick out of how many I could push at once...set a record for doing close to 100 with a football tackle. But yeah, it really sucked having to walk over 2 miles just to retrieve 3 carts.

6) If anyone ever talks about killing themself, make sure you tell them you're glad to have them around and wouldn't want them going anywhere. Even if they're completely joking, it's good to hear you're wanted. If they sound serious about it, stop whatever you're doing and have a long talk with them and find out what's going on in their life that's making them feel this way. *Walking away if they're still really shaken up is not an option* Whatever you were running off to before, it's less important than someone's life. Even if it's a complete stranger, give the person a way to contact you so that you can talk to them more. Let them know they're not alone, and if they're really on the edge, call in extra help. Police departments and hospitals are there to help people out in dire need. Take advantage of them, and never be scared to call. Even if it's a false alarm, do you really want to be the person that didn't call them and then have the worst happen?


I have yet to have anyone really give a crap about that when I mentioned it. Of course actually having made a formal attempt, it is a rather unique feeling. But yeah, it does help once in a while. If all else fails, knock the idiot out and drag them up a tree and hang them upside down by their ankles. I scared someone I knew out of it.... then again this is only recommended if you are evil enough to threaten them with a metal baseball bat at the same time.

But I'm sure someone else will come up with a more clever solution.
*snickers at his pun*

Another useful thing is to carry a sack of cheap burgers and fries with you and give them to the homeless people instead of money. And maybe a hot cup of coffee if you're close enough to get one. Guy didn't eat for 2 days. Loved a McD's double cheese with small fries more than the 7 bucks he had picked up that day.

style1,Starphoenix.png


http://www.aardwolf.com

 

I'm a good cook, really!


#5
Sanctuary

Sanctuary

    The Last Exile

  • Admin
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 744 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Somewhere out there.
  • Interests:Dexter in training.
*waves finger at starphoenixkoroias*


Now this is EXACTLY the type of thing that gets on my nerves:

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/pop...35844&ch=222562

Now, don't think that I don't understand that the guy was driving a little dangerously. Don't think that I don't understand there is risk involved with driving that way - however....

That officer had a choice - not to mention a responsibility to show a little compassion and certainly not utter the words "It's a dog. You can get another one."

WTH! *makes an angry face*

The police officer could just have easily have given them a ride - after all he is the skilled driver. The speeding ticket wasn't going anywhere. So what, he spends a total of 15 minutes out of his day driving them to the vets and issues the speeding ticket afterwards. That's a problem for anyone exactly how?

So now we have a couple more people in the world who won't trust police officers and a family member dead. Lovely. *rolls eyes*

When it could have been just as easy that, at the very least, even if the dog still passed away, there would have been several more people in the world feeling good about each other. Knowing that someone else (there's that word again) at least cared enough to try to help.
Posted Image

Sometimes it's in the darkness that we truly learn to see.

I'm Dexter in training - so watch it! Imma watchin' you!

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." - Winston Churchill

#6
Shattered Skulls

Shattered Skulls

    The Sneetches And Other Stories

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 507 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:The Local Bar
  • Interests:Too many to name.
My problem is that I'm a cynical pessimist.

Example:

Someone: "Hey, man, can you spare some change?"
Me: [Thinking] Cripe, another one? Which is it this time, drugs or booze?

Maybe I'm a monster. I'unno. All I know is that I've seen too many people wearing brand-new Reeboks and wearing nice clothes to believe that even half of them are out there for any real necessity. Some of them even beg again and again and again. I saw this one guy begging for food the other day; about an hour later, I saw him sitting at a stoplight in a Corvette. You're telling me I should give up what little I have for him?

I do understand the calling for help thing, though. Yeah, I guess I've had that problem from time to time. Hey, I never said I was perfect.

Edited by Shattered Skulls, 20 August 2008 - 01:59 PM.

Posted Image
Posted ImageI see what you did there.Posted Image
Posted ImageA fractured mind is a beautiful thing.Posted Image
Posted ImageThe internet is for...Posted Image
"If being sane is thinking there's something wrong with being different, I'd rather be completely fucking mental!"
(Angelina Jolie)

Posted Image

We're all born the same way: wet, cold, and screaming; life is just as messy as death.
We all eat, drink, piss, shit, fuck, and die. Someone mind tellin' me the punch line?


#7
Opticallusion

Opticallusion

    The Cat In The Hat Comes Back

  • Forum Moderator
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 1,372 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:here
I think this ties in with a thread I've been reading/posting in at another site. This one's religious, and we're currently on about "God will fix it". Something happens? don't worry, god will fix it. What is that happy bullshit? If there is a god and all that creation stuff is true, then that's what he gave us brains and the ability to think and reason for, to help ourselves. That's how he helps. I much prefer the saying "God helps those who help themselves".

About the only time I don't stop to help someone on the side of the road is if I'm on an extremely tight schedule or if there are kids in the car. I'll put myself at risk, but not kids. Or old people.

If I'm not the one driving, while I may mention it, I'm not going to grab the wheel and try to make them stop. That would just cause other problems.
just give me a minute, i'm thinking...

Posted Image

#8
Starphoenix Koroias

Starphoenix Koroias

    And To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 442 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Fort Bragg, North Carolina, USA (maybe)

*waves finger at starphoenixkoroias*

Oh now don't start that! You left me an opening the size of the Grand Canyon to walk in and leave little howling fuzzies behind in my wake!
:ph34r:

About the only time I don't stop to help someone on the side of the road is if I'm on an extremely tight schedule or if there are kids in the car. I'll put myself at risk, but not kids. Or old people.


Heh. Why not? More fun that way!

My problem is that I'm a cynical pessimist.

Example:

Someone: "Hey, man, can you spare some change?"
Me: [Thinking] Cripe, another one? Which is it this time, drugs or booze?


When I lived in Boston for awhile I was the exact same way, until the day I walked past one of those guys and went to the homeless shelter I volunteered at and saw the same guy. You can imagine it was a nice screamfest from the fucker. I don't give them money, usually a cup of coffee and a small food item. Or if they piss me off one of my mutilated fuzzies. That really fucks with them :D

style1,Starphoenix.png


http://www.aardwolf.com

 

I'm a good cook, really!


#9
MythHorn

MythHorn

    Horton Hatches The Egg

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 32 posts
  • Gender:Female
  • Location:Fighting against Mundania
"All it takes for evil to succeed is for good men to do nothing."

I have stopped at accidents, called 911 and stayed until help arrived.

Once I even took someone that I didn't know to their home after their car brokedown at the side of the road (admittedly I have only done this once due to concerns about my personal safety).

I have served as an officer in organizations - even (or especially) in the behind the scenes capacity because someone was needed and I was willing to do it as I believed in the organization.

However, there are many people who haven't done any of the above - becuase someone else will.

I think part of it is due to the impersonal nature of our society. When you don't know the person yourself, it is so much easier to ignore their need than when it is cousin or a neighbor from down the road. You feel more of a responsibility to people that you know as opposed to strangers. Long gone are the days in most places where you know most of the people on your street - where you belong to groups where they know not just you, but your parents, siblings, cousins..... We have retreated into our homes to watch TV or play on the computer instead of being outside talking to our neighbors.

Another is the lack of time in our lives. Between work, and home, and families - people may not have as much time or (even more important) feel like they have the time to get involved with other people - to help out the community. However - rare is the person that is so busy that they couldn't make a call on the phone to let someone know about someone's need - which brings us back to reason number one - our impersonal society.

Another reason is the affluence of our society. We are so used to throwing money at problems that we tend to forget that it takes people to put the money to use for the purpose for which it was intended.

And, one last reason - is fear. Fear for our safety, fear of lawsuits, fear of being taken advantage of, fear of being ostrasized due to unpopular views and actions, fear of the crazies in this world. All of these are very important to consider as they are all part of our world today. However, there is a difference to acknowledging the fear and using common sense as opposed to fear taking over our lives. And - do we really want to live our lives in thrall of fear?
It is never too late to be what we might have been. - George Eliot

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused. - author unknown

The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything. - Theodore Roosevelt

Life is never easy for those who dream. - Robert James Waller

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. - Anais Nin


#10
ChaosRTBH

ChaosRTBH

    Evil Mastermind

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 196 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:Bartlesville, OK

My problem is that I'm a cynical pessimist.

Example:

Someone: "Hey, man, can you spare some change?"
Me: [Thinking] Cripe, another one? Which is it this time, drugs or booze?

Maybe I'm a monster. I'unno. All I know is that I've seen too many people wearing brand-new Reeboks and wearing nice clothes to believe that even half of them are out there for any real necessity. Some of them even beg again and again and again. I saw this one guy begging for food the other day; about an hour later, I saw him sitting at a stoplight in a Corvette. You're telling me I should give up what little I have for him?

I do understand the calling for help thing, though. Yeah, I guess I've had that problem from time to time. Hey, I never said I was perfect.

THIS is more the way I feel about it. Working at a casino now, I see too many people that will sacrifice their neccessities to feed their addictions, though instead of drugs and booze it's the gambling bug and/or booze.

yeah not everyone's like that, the guy on the corner may have been laid off at a bad time or his wife may have left him for a younger guy and left all the debt with him. Others bring their misfortune upon themselves. Yeah the few dollars you gave me homeless guy may have cheered him up, but how many people like that will it truly help if they just turn around go straight to the nearest liquor store, or drug dealer, or even gamble it away expecting the fortune that never comes? The assistance was in vain at that point.

Don't get me wrong either, I'm all about helping people that need it, but it's also about finding out if they actually DO need it and will use it right or if they're just gonna blow it.

call me a heartless monster too, but I've been taken advantage of by too many people that calimed they needed the money and would pay back, but never saw them again. Now I'm older and wiser and chose who I help a little more carefully now.
user posted image
you look pretty.......pretty tasty

"user posted image
I like burritos!!

user posted image"
I adopted a cute lil' ninja fetus
from Fetusmart! Hooray fetus!

#11
Atnevon

Atnevon

    The Architect

  • Admin
  • 5,673 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:posing in a pink tutu and donning a tiara

I think part of it is due to the impersonal nature of our society. When you don't know the person yourself, it is so much easier to ignore their need than when it is cousin or a neighbor from down the road. You feel more of a responsibility to people that you know as opposed to strangers. Long gone are the days in most places where you know most of the people on your street - where you belong to groups where they know not just you, but your parents, siblings, cousins..... We have retreated into our homes to watch TV or play on the computer instead of being outside talking to our neighbors.


This is an incredibly valid point and one that a lot of people overlook. Along with all the good that technology brings us, it also takes away from another part of the world at the same time. When you're on the internet, you're able to connect with people from all around the world and provide those that you talk to with companionship and comfort; however, at the same time, that time you're spending online is also time that you're spending away from the community that you live in.

Which one is better? I don't think that either one is necessarily 'better'. I think they both have there merits. Admittedly, I spend very very little time outside my own house these days because I'm a very private kind of person on a lot of levels. It might be a worthwhile venture for me to think about volunteering somewhere locally so that I could have more opportunities to help people in person. While it's hard for me to imagine my life without the internet, there are a ton of people out there that have no internet access at all. They shouldn't be left in the dark just because they're not connected.

Someone: "Hey, man, can you spare some change?"
Me: [Thinking] Cripe, another one? Which is it this time, drugs or booze?


As the comments show, you're far from alone in this line of thinking, and it is one of those things that many of us do have to battle with internally when we see people asking for money on the street.

How you decide to handle this one really comes down to whether you'll give someone the benefit of the doubt when handing them some change or whether you'll expect them to waste it. There are a few sad truths to keep in mind for situations like these.

1) People sometimes *do* beg for money when they really don't need it. They will play on people's pity to earn an extra buck or two. However, the cases of this are few and far between.

2) Many times the money you give to someone on the street *will* go to alcohol or drugs. While I've never had times as hard as this myself, I can say with a fair amount of experience with this from a past job that the people who do have to live off the streets are in what many of us would probably consider to be a personal hell. I *don't* think that alcohol or drugs are a good way for them to turn, but I do understand that it may feel like their only real option out there with what little money they are collecting from the generous people that do give them their change. Whether or not you give them money is up to you, but whatever you decide, please don't judge them so harshly for what they do with it. Can you blame them for it?

3) As MythHorn pointed out, people are frequently throwing money at problems without actually investing any time into making things happen. And, as Sanctuary put it, the reason for this is a lot of times that people always look to 'someone else' to do something instead of looking at themselves to see what it is that they can do.

If you want to really help change things for someone in need, work to help them. Don't just walk by. Stop. Ask questions. Be there for them, and see what you can do.

As an example, say that the person you're talking to used to be in construction, but they got laid off because the company they were working for wasn't making enough money to get by. You could ask around through your friends and your family to see if maybe one of them knows someone that could take them on as an employee. With just a couple hours of your time, you might have quite literally saved someone's life.
The sky was the color of a television, tuned to a dead channel. - William Gibson

#12
Atnevon

Atnevon

    The Architect

  • Admin
  • 5,673 posts
  • Gender:Male
  • Location:posing in a pink tutu and donning a tiara

Now this is EXACTLY the type of thing that gets on my nerves:

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/pop...35844&ch=222562


I have a lot of trouble coming up with words to describe how very angry I am at that officer for what he did. Losing a pet because of something as dispicable as this... all I can say is that my heart goes out to them. This should never have happened.
The sky was the color of a television, tuned to a dead channel. - William Gibson

#13
Mana

Mana

    Horton Hatches The Egg

  • Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 0 posts
  • Gender:Not Telling
  • Location:Ontario
There is a line out of a song that always touched me deeply as a child, and continues to now:

"Someone could have helped him, but no one would try, because their pride wouldn't let them, and now he's going to die, there in the rain."
"I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." William Ernest Henley




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users