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Don't you wish you had my job?


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19 replies to this topic

#1
Mana

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"Sounds like your inbox is corrupted."

"No, really, it sounds like your Outlook Express inbox is corrupted."

"No. Your email program, Outlook Express, the thing on your screen right now. Yes, that. It's corrupt."

"Corrupt."

"Not.Working."

"No, see, if that doesn't work, you wouldn't see your email."

"Because it's corrupt."

"Because it doesn't work."

"Yes, it's broken."

"No, I can't tell you how to fix it."

"No, I can't."

"No, really, I can't."

"No, putting a check in that box will NOT help."

"No, it wouldn't have caused the problem."

"Yes I'm sure."

"Yes, I'm sure I'm sure."

"By 'I'm sure' I mean without a doubt."

"Yes."

"I could see if I could fix it if you bring the computer in."

"No, I can't press a button and fix it from here."

"Yes."

"Your computer."

"Here."

"No, you'd have to bring your computer here."

"To the shop."

"..."

"Seriously, I can't do anything more for you."

"This conversation..."

"...is over."
"I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." William Ernest Henley

#2
Sanctuary

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Ekkk.

Having a fun day huh?

Some people shouldn't own computers. I seriously believe this.
Posted Image

Sometimes it's in the darkness that we truly learn to see.

I'm Dexter in training - so watch it! Imma watchin' you!

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." - Winston Churchill

#3
Mana

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Ekkk.

Having a fun day huh?

Some people shouldn't own computers. I seriously believe this.


Yesterday was slower than I've ever seen for a Saturday, and today was busier than I've seen normal* Sunday get. But still? That was the third time I'd talked to the same customer. whimper

* - wherein there were no downtime or actual system problems
"I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." William Ernest Henley

#4
Sanctuary

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They were waiting for you to be alone and then drown you with it all. *nods*

BAD PEOPLE! BAD!!
Posted Image

Sometimes it's in the darkness that we truly learn to see.

I'm Dexter in training - so watch it! Imma watchin' you!

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." - Winston Churchill

#5
ViusSolaris

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Poor Mana silly customers!

I want to have your job and say corrupt over and over!

Sounds wonderful ahhh! ;)

#6
Atnevon

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"Okay, no problem. We should be able to help you with that and get you back online. Can you click on your start button for me?"

Customer: "I can't do that. I'm in my car on my way to work right now."

(Yes, I feel your pain)
The sky was the color of a television, tuned to a dead channel. - William Gibson

#7
Mana

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Well, on the upside, at least haven't through this today:

Customer: "Oh, hi. I'd like to leave a message for tech support, please."

Me: "Can I help you?"

Customer: "No. I need a technician, not a secretary."

Me: "I am a technician."

Customer: (Sound of a size 8 foot slamming into a size 6 mouth). "Oh, um..."
"I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." William Ernest Henley

#8
Sanctuary

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I'm so glad I'm neither of you.

*Remembers to be thankful*
Posted Image

Sometimes it's in the darkness that we truly learn to see.

I'm Dexter in training - so watch it! Imma watchin' you!

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." - Winston Churchill

#9
Sanctuary

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Poor Mana silly customers!

I want to have your job and say corrupt over and over!

Sounds wonderful ahhh! ;)


LMAO

Want kind of Corupt are you thinking though - that's the real question!!! :lol:
Posted Image

Sometimes it's in the darkness that we truly learn to see.

I'm Dexter in training - so watch it! Imma watchin' you!

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." - Winston Churchill

#10
Atnevon

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I'm so glad I'm neither of you.

*Remembers to be thankful*


I'm sure you've got your equal share of customers that you deal with on a daily basis that are just as bad, if not worse. I'm glad I don't have to deal with some of them!
The sky was the color of a television, tuned to a dead channel. - William Gibson

#11
Isedon

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Here's a jewel of a conversation from one of my customers that signaled the begining of an oh so fun call:

Me: "What kind of router are you using?"

Customer: "DLink"

Me: "Do you know the model number on that"

Customer: "Yeah, a Linksys"

Me: "...."

(note for the non techies, those are two completely different brand of router)

#12
Sanctuary

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GESHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Okay I have to repeat...

Some people should not be allowed to own a computer.
Posted Image

Sometimes it's in the darkness that we truly learn to see.

I'm Dexter in training - so watch it! Imma watchin' you!

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." - Winston Churchill

#13
MythHorn

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A router. Let's see .... that's the thingy that hooks you up to a network and is usually external and can act as a physical fire wall? As for brands - I would be doing good just to locate one - much less know what brand it is. :P

There is a reason that this non-techie married a techie. :lol:

Edited by MythHorn, 01 December 2008 - 04:51 PM.

It is never too late to be what we might have been. - George Eliot

Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused. - author unknown

The only man who never makes a mistake is the man who never does anything. - Theodore Roosevelt

Life is never easy for those who dream. - Robert James Waller

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. - Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born. - Anais Nin


#14
Isedon

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A router. Let's see .... that's the thingy that hooks you up to a network and is usually external and can act as a physical fire wall? As for brands - I would be doing good just to locate one - much less know what brand it is. :P

There is a reason that this non-techie married a techie. :lol:



If a customer is calling into tech support, I'd rather have someone who doesn't know much and says so (as I can help them quite well) as opposed to a customer who knows the basics, and pretends to know everything ;)

#15
Sanctuary

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I have one for you guys:

Person: I'd like to renew my web name.

Staff: Okay, what's the domain name you want to renew?

Person: What's a domain name?

Staff: The www.whateverthenameis.com.

Person: I don't know what it is.

Staff: You don't know the 'web name'?

Person: No. Don't you?

*THUDDDDDD***

and

MEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP
Posted Image

Sometimes it's in the darkness that we truly learn to see.

I'm Dexter in training - so watch it! Imma watchin' you!

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." - Winston Churchill

#16
ViusSolaris

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LMAO

Want kind of Corupt are you thinking though - that's the real question!!! :lol:


Wouldn't you like to know? ;)

For amusement i say it again, corrupt!! :lol:

Erm yes! :rolleyes:

A couple of techsupport friends told me that they enjoyed when people called and said: Internet is broken help me!!

#17
Isedon

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And then you have the conspiracy theorist customers:

Customer: "I have a problem with my <product>"

Tech: "Okay can I get your name, phone number, and address"

C: "You don't need any of that, just fix my problem"

T: "Oookay, what kind of Operating System do you have"

C: ".... You people don't need all this information.... just fix it"

T: " Alright, well, what seems to be the issue?"

C: "You should already know, now just fix it!!"

T: "Well, to do that I will need some information about your setup and when it happens, and what the probelm actually is."

C: "It doesn't work the way it's supposed to!!"

T: ".... Which is...?"

C: "If you won't fix it then I'll just return it and never by a product from <Company Name> again!!"

*Click*



Fun Fun ;-p I've had and heard several variations of this call a surprising number of times.

#18
Mana

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And then you have the conspiracy theorist customers:

Customer: "I have a problem with my <product>"

Tech: "Okay can I get your name, phone number, and address"

C: "You don't need any of that, just fix my problem"

T: "Oookay, what kind of Operating System do you have"

C: ".... You people don't need all this information.... just fix it"

T: " Alright, well, what seems to be the issue?"

C: "You should already know, now just fix it!!"

T: "Well, to do that I will need some information about your setup and when it happens, and what the probelm actually is."

C: "It doesn't work the way it's supposed to!!"

T: ".... Which is...?"

C: "If you won't fix it then I'll just return it and never by a product from <Company Name> again!!"

*Click*



Fun Fun ;-p I've had and heard several variations of this call a surprising number of times.


Over and over again.
"I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul." William Ernest Henley

#19
Opticallusion

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I know it's a joke, but I thought it needed to be here:

Helpdesk Rules... These are the unwritten rules from the highly over worked, but highly under paid technical support staff at an Internet service provider near you...

1. DO NOT talk over me. Listen damn it, you can't do what I tell you to do constantly jabbering bullshit over me. I talk... you do. Why did you even ask me a question if you are going to fucking answer it?

2. DO NOT call me and then put me on hold. You called me, genius. You want my help, stay on the fucking line and listen. We have much better things to do than talk to you anyway.

3. DO NOT read long error messages to me unless I ask you to. Do you honestly think we get anything out of a 50 digit hex number???

4. DO NOT start off a call by saying anything in the neighborhood of "hi, how's it going" or "busy today?" That just serves to piss us off. Get to the problem so we can get you off the phone. The day was great until I had to start answering your totally moronic questions.

5. DO NOT get pissed when we tell you that your system is royally fucked. We didn't fuck it up. It wasn't us. We're simply telling it like it is.

6. DO NOT call about unrelated products. We DO NOT know the intimate details of every piece o' shit shareware program you dredge out of the internet. Nor do we want to. Stop it!

7. We DO NOT manufacture modems, write e-mail programs or engineer browsers. If something in this arena goes wrong, call the people who made the goddamned thing. YOU DON'T USE THE INTERNET TO FAX!!! Can't stress that one enough.

8. DO NOT compare us to AOL when something goes wrong with your connection to us. If you had the computer literacy of an 8 year old with a broken Atari 2600 you'd know better. Everyone else connects just fine. It's just you. Keep that in mind. It's just you.

9. DO NOT call simply for the purpose of giving us your thoughts on the content of our homepage or to request that we send you flyers so you can pass them out at bridge tournaments and bingo night. Not only is this a waste of our time, but it encourages just the type of user tech support reps fear most... the elderly.

10. DO NOT make us sit there on the phone while you tip toe through setup instructions so easy they were originally tested on lab chimps. We have better things to do than act as zoo keepers.

11. DO NOT call us and complain about a problem with your system and then say you're not in front of your computer when we try and help you. We aren't technological psychics.

12. DO NOT call us assuming the problem you're experiencing is our fault. If your computer crashes, performs illegal operations, gives you the blue screen of death, or flips you off and runs away with the fucking toaster to Mexico, you can be damn certain it isn't us who caused it.

13. DO NOT call us and announce to us that you don't know anything about computers. This really pisses us off. Trust me, we're well aware of that fact. We figured it out the minute you called and announced "help, the internet is broken!" Something here definitely needs help. People who know computers don't call us.

14. DO NOT call us and act as if you know all that are computers and that you're doing us a favor by gracing us with your call. This pisses us off more than 13. Chiming in with stupid suggestions and comments only increases the already tremendous temptation we face to use you as an unwitting instrument of destruction and really do some damage to your system. Not that you'd notice.

15. DO NOT (in addition to 14) say acronyms you don't know the meaning of or even what they are for. Just admin your completely lost and leave the techno bullshit to us.

16. DO NOT call in if you can't speak English. This might seem like a small thing to you, but we find it just a tad annoying when we try and assess your problem and we can only understand every fifth word you say. And no, just because those words may be 'computer' or 'broken' doesn't absolve you of the offense.

17. DO NOT call in hoping to get another tech rep to tell you something different than the first one did. If one of us tells you your system is fucked, it's fucked. The second guy is going to simply look at the log and tell you the same thing, it's fucked. That is of course unless you really piss him off and then he's going to make sure your computer has the functionality of a house plant.

18. DO NOT be stoned or drunk when you call us. You wouldn't think this would need to actually be said, but believe me it's come up. For god sakes, if you can't control yourself and must call, at least have the common courtesy to offer us some of what you're on.
just give me a minute, i'm thinking...

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#20
Sanctuary

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LOL Opticallusion.

I think several people in here can relate to those.
Posted Image

Sometimes it's in the darkness that we truly learn to see.

I'm Dexter in training - so watch it! Imma watchin' you!

"You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life." - Winston Churchill




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