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A Glimpse into this world


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#1
Gretchen

Gretchen

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  • Interests:Baseball!!!!!! Coffee (nobody messes with me and my java) yoga, lemon water, spending quality time with a good novel, writing .... lots of writing... poetry, comedy clubs, night clubs (dancing in cages .... nah j/k my morbid dream =P) listening to Static-X-Cold over and over again (cage dancing music) buying hooker shoes (8 1/2 inch patent leather with light ups inside) and purses! Leapord fur purses! Lots of Leapord Fur... meow...
A Man stepped out onto the street, the aroma of the coffee house behind him lingered on his lambskin coat. A steaming cup of Hazelnut coffee warming his fingers and a cigarette in his other hand. The cold foggy air is dampened with droplets of left over rain. The soft black cotton of his turtleneck hugged the nape of his neck. He inhales. Seattle fills his lungs. Two teenagers walk past him, oblivious to the cold frosty morning, dressed in black torn and poorly mended with safety pinned clothing. Their eyes fully dilated and they smile. He ponders, what could make a person hurt enough that they would pollute their bodies with toxins and poisons. And suddenly his cigarette was never enough for him again, it will just aide the chemicals that invade his body, raping him of his sanity and in a way he thinks, all users are raped. Robbed of something they once had, for it never to be restored in the same way it had been briefly moments ago. But not all are fortunate enough to relive themselves of the suicide they are soon to commit. To relive themselves of this torture they can not yet see.

Seattle. Smog billows from smokestacks. Yellow taxi cabs slam on their brakes and whiz past anxious wanderers calling out their names and holding out their thumbs in desperate hope for a ride. It begins to drizzle. The bistros are packed with men and women; ordering various warm drinks to heat up their insides. I stand and watch this, I wonder, why. When you wake up in the morning is it a ritual to shower put on a warm cashmere and saunter into these coffee houses, prepared for people who know you, and call out your name, beckoning to come and sit with you. People walk up and down the cold streets either for fun or by fate. Ignoring the cold, that?s what you have to do. Wether your shopping or begging for some money. Who are these people who walk up and down these streets with nothing but drug money in their pockets, with their delirium smiles plastered on their faces as they think about the cocaine or other drugs they are soon to inhibit. Do they stop to think, today I could die from these drugs. Or today I could be in the ICU at Harborview. Do these people have homes? And families who love them, and if they did would that stop them from doing these drugs. No I think to myself. Because I?m them. I was one of them. I did drugs, I was smiling like them once I got my hand on a couple bills. I am the spawn of them, and I survived. I am fortunate. But they are not. Like those who are fortunate, I am concerned. I am worried because I know the high, I know the need, I know its hard to stop.

So why should you stop. Why shouldn?t you just get a job and use all of your pay check and buy cocaine, or crank. Or even better don?t buy the drugs from people who seem to be trustworthy but you are not really sure. Make them yourselves. That?s what the internet is for. That?s what our society has done, they have provided us with household chemicals that we can easily lie about and purchase over the counter, or ever better steal and make our own drugs, after all don?t we trust ourselves? But why should we? Should we trust ourselves into killing our bodies, every organ and cell in our body cries out in pain, but do we feel that pain? Do we apologize like when a loved one accidentally hits us. The drugs are our friends, when you feel all alone and the world has turned its back on us. They are there with the people we?ve grown up with. Infecting us, hypnotizing us. Making us believe that this last time will be our last and we can quit. We wont get addicted. They lie to us. Is that was friends do? Lie to us and aide us in committing suicide. Is that why we were born, is this why our parents gave birth to us and did their best in trying to raise us, and if we have no parents is this why we are in the world. To bring ourselves down? I walk down the street some more, I peep in shopping windows, I have visuals of little girls and boys with their
parents, if they only knew how rotten our world is. But they don?t care, their friends are those we cannot see, their friends are the love their parents give them. They like we once were are innocent. Raped. Society rapes us. It teaches us about the world, in school we learn about drugs. Who pays attention to the affects of them what they can do to you the first time you use. Certainly not I. I cared about the high. Why not I had nothing to lose I thought. But my sanity. Who needs to be sane, in a crazy mixed up world. You should just get high. Drugs will make you forget everything. You?ll get stuck.

You can freeze time and live for the moment. You can become one with the drugs. And in the end the drugs aren?t there for you, while you lie in the ICU looking at all the people shaking their heads and thinking ?you never thought it would happen to this one? and you scream. ?You don?t know what its like. You don?t know the High, fuck off, because you don?t understand you don?t know how happy and special and loved it makes me feel.? But I do. I was there. I had a friend, whom no one could see but the drug and I. He tried to kill me, he loved me he said, but he wanted to kill me. I hated myself. I felt I had no reason to go to school, no reason to succeed. But who was there for me. My parents, my friends, who had been through what I was experiencing, but any words of wisdom they passed my way I soon forgot. But in the end, don?t you want to live? Live to buy more drugs. Can they read our minds? Can they really insure that we will be okay once we take the drug. If that?s true how come a medical drug given to one woman to cure her breast cancer works but given to another disables her or even kills her. Why didn?t that same drug work. And why do we have allergies. Why are the best jobs in the world illegal I thought. I could prostitute and sell drugs and id be a millionaire. It Wouldn?t matter if I was pretty because the people who buy the drugs aren?t pretty themselves, and neither are the people who pay money for sex. So why should I be pretty. Why should I care. Id only do it for a little while I thought. I would do drugs with my kids, I wouldn?t care if they had sex, I would be the best mom on earth, the coolest. But what is cool. Is your definition of cool the same as mine? Do you have to have money and be accepted to be cool? Is that why you did drugs? That could be the reason I did drugs, even now I still do not know. I did them to escape. To have something to say when I returned to school from the weekend. And yes, even to be accepted. By myself, by others. ?You are so much fun? A girl once gushed to me in a class ? I want to hang out with you one weekend you have so much fun!? Was it fun when my head was hanging over the toilet puking my guts out. Was it fun panicking because I thought I was going to die, Is it fun to have my best friends tell me ?See this is why I didn?t want you to come because now we can?t have fun.? Is it fun to watch one of the people you love hate you and turn hundreds of your friends against you because you won?t let him do drugs.

Is it fun to watch people say ?forget that Bitch, come with me, lets get high.? I cried. I was hated, only one person understood me, only one person understood I was killing myself and I finally saw the door where I could live and I opened that door and stepped into that room that was going to save me. So why wasn?t I in love with that person? Why did I love someone who hates me, whose friends hated me, who wanted him to break up with me because I didn?t want him to party and go back to jail because I believed in him and I believed he could be better then all this. To once be told your stupid for never using condoms and now your pregnant, and your just so happy your having a baby, because maybe sometimes what you perceive to be the worst thing in the world at the moment, can really be the best. And then to miscarry because of the drugs, because you couldn?t live without the cigarettes and the alcohol and the weed. Because you didn?t value your babies
life enough and it was all your fault you couldn?t carry your loved ones child. To be making plans and be all starry eyed and can?t wait until its birth and then one day you wake up and think, I have no baby. Where did my baby go you cry. And you remember. Some people are raped on drugs, not mentally like all users, raped physically, and they don?t remember. They want to but they are scared to, and they wonder, was it my friend who raped me? Because all you see when you go to bed is one certain face and then you black out and hurt like hell for a while, and have a period that seems to last forever. Can you trust your friends still. Can you ever look that same face in the eyes again without thinking, ?Did you rape me?? You could ask and ask until you turn blue but do you think they are going to tell you, ?yes I raped you what are you going to do about it.?

What about the after affects of the drugs, when you lose your circulation and your feet are cold, and its already cold outside, its cold like now, its cold like how the drugs leave you when you?re coming down. Can the drugs provide for your family? Can you come home one day and say ?kids I lost my job but I we have some Raid under the sink, I?ll make crank for dinner.? In conclusion to this, do we stop enough and think, I am special. I can be a somebody, God had no time to make nobodies. God had no time to make someone stupid, its just us, its just our choices. Because we are direct descendents of sinners. We are spawned from sin. But we can change that, why destroy ourselves, and self pity ourselves because we want to be beautiful or we want to be rich or accepted. The only person who needs to except yourself is you. And if your ever fall back and find your alone, know your not, whether you?re a believer in Jesus or not, know you are not alone. Because God knows what your going through, and if you don?t believe in him, then believe this; because They are millions of people on this planet who know what you are going through. And let me tell you, it doesn?t just get better. You can?t quit drugs and then breath and say finally its all better.

Because its not. You have to be committed and if you aren?t then you have to get committed, because even if you think your going nowhere you?re really going somewhere. Six feet under. People commit suicide because they think their lives are bad or because they are lonely or because they think they have nothing to live for. But why would God speak us into existence without having plans for us. Because if you kill yourself then you?ll never know, you?ll never know if you can save some ones life, or if your will have a family, and you just might meet that special someone who is going to turn your life around and help you, but instead you commit suicide, where does that leave what your future might have been. Just because you may have had a bad life doesn?t mean you have to destroy yourself, you are your own person, you can make your life better regardless on how poor you may have been or how abused you were. You have to the power to turn things around, not necessarily change, you can never change what you did or thought seconds ago. But you can improve. There is no "limits" in Improvement


Inspired by: Judith McLane, Myself, Patrick Johnson, and any random guy wearing a black cashmere with java and a cancer stick.
"Look For me by moonlight,
Watch for me by moonlight,
lll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way"
-Alfred Noyes "The Highwayman"

#2
Gretchen

Gretchen

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The Apple

Time passes by so slow
I feel cold, and naked
blinded by snow
Nothing seems clear
Nothing makes sense
what is happening to me
why can I feel your precense?
I light my candle
and burn my incense
fragrant yemonja
and jasmine fill my lungs
I lay in bed
I remember our last kiss
we both trembled
Darkness surrounds
my soul is confused
feeling not yet, but fully complete
where are you, I can't see
why us and why now
is this forever?
This strange feeling purged within me
I vowed silently to keep our secret
but someone told
and again Im alone
While you sit in your room and write
and I the same
is this fair?
is this right?
my attraction is to blame
I should have stayed away
something told me not to
its opinion voiced itself
"would you give up everything?"
But I have nothing but emptiness left to give
I feel like a severed child
dying inside
we're not in love I know it
but its something else
I can't see
like an image of a fire
its flame, forbidden on touch
but everlasting with pain
we were just having fun
experiencing like kids do
just wondering what was out there
what it felt like, how it looked
and now we're experiencing locked up passion
like the apple,
Forbidden Fruit.
"Look For me by moonlight,
Watch for me by moonlight,
lll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way"
-Alfred Noyes "The Highwayman"

#3
Gretchen

Gretchen

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(Mode) Feeling

TUrn my world up side down
make it spin like glass
turn my world into your frown
break my heart at last
why do I think
when thinking makes me wonder
and why do I want someone
just to keep me away from her
Until you came into my life
Danger I never knew
and then you wanted my heart
and instead it was hers I threw
And now Im broken
failing from a torn open wound
and now Im broken
waking up to soon
to start again
Creeping through the hall of life
why do I dream of you
Im miserable, I can't see clearly
yet everything you say is true
Your words they fill me
with everything I wanted to survive
and now they fill my empty ears
not needed in my life
I wanted your touch to me
needed human lies
through glasses, barriers;calling to him
the tortch carried me inside
And now Im broken
injured from my flight
and now Im broken
Wondering how it felt to fly
to start again
Seeking out through tearless eyes
wishing on fallen stars
dreams I knew could not come true
my Feeling chained to bars
walking through the park
on a listless cloudy sky
hearing people talking
wishing I could fly
Turn my world upside down
make it spin like glass
turn my world into your frown
break my heart at last
And now im broken
traped forever in a cage
Im broken
eyes locked on a distant stage
wanting to start again....
"Look For me by moonlight,
Watch for me by moonlight,
lll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way"
-Alfred Noyes "The Highwayman"

#4
Gretchen

Gretchen

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Evil Within

Look into your eyes your death involves me
and I am mesmirized
Like the old man lying in his bed
a sweet kiss left him paralyzed
The sky is full of empty clouds
and heavy hearts
you pierced my soul
divination of life
a collision of worlds divide
A cold hand on my cheek
filled with empty air your right by my side
Full of love from our twisted life
its you I decide
I am your love
I am your life
I am your heart of Ice
You are my master
and I your slave
Shed your tears
death is here
Its evil within me
I stalk my prey at night
bewitched you, my bloody cries
I carress your thigh
you lick my friend
well let us begin
Dark and weird
your dank with fright
I drink up all my fear
Life with all, all with Life
We shall all die
Im in this hole help me out of here
I will be the end
THe destruction line
Your fascination line
I will be your send
I am your shadow
dark, Im evil, within.
Love and Life
Death with you
Lets begin
Love and Life, and Living
Dying is crying
Im full, evil within
"Look For me by moonlight,
Watch for me by moonlight,
lll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way"
-Alfred Noyes "The Highwayman"

#5
Gretchen

Gretchen

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Siren

And so I feel your skin so soft
Fragranced Ivory, shoulders bare
Ive chosen to see the sun
streaking highlights through your Raven hair
Not an imperfection
nor single crease throughout your face
and your hands so clean
but fragile yet like lace
your eyes they glimmer
like green stardust in the sky
your body so feminen
there is no point in being shy
your in a realm
of everlasting tales
a voice draws them nearer to you
those cynical males
Your heart is stiffens
but remains still
closer you see them
running over the hill
at first there is question
floating through the air
but closer they come
and they don't care
the soothing song, louder it goes
one by one they fall to their toes
something has stopped the effect of the power
you have led them
to the sleeping lotus flower
and there they shall sleep
until awaken so
the flower no more
the song it will flow
the water beneath you
the rocks by your side
they hop in their sail boats
and slowly the song that played on your lips died
a terrible crash, hollers and screams
the men have been flung
to their wildest dreams
to their death did they fall
on those rocks so sharp
I go over there
your still playing your harp
and singing the song
that lead men to their deaths on the rock
sweet evil Siren
too black to get caught
"Look For me by moonlight,
Watch for me by moonlight,
lll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way"
-Alfred Noyes "The Highwayman"

#6
Gretchen

Gretchen

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Love?

When you reached your mouth
to become one with hers
I still loved you
When your eyes lit like ember to spark
when we made love,
I loved you
When I walked in the room
watching you fuck my friend
sadly, I still loved you
is that what love is?
to be built up so high
your forget how to walk
and breathing your scent
is all you need
to snap back into reality
face that im unhappy
falling like theres no gravity
aching like a broken limb
begging to grow again
is this love?
watching you sickening smile
in my memory
pick up the phone
contradict me before I dial
maybe get out of the house
do something worthwhile
instead I sit in my room
lock the door
cry my eyes out till I cant cry no more
cut myself, understanding
whose there for me, whose not
which way I have got to go
Is it love when you said it
promised everything on it
and I belived it
acted like the charmer
unknowledgeable and I grieved it
when you left
I can not bear this
this glass my heart is covered in
breaking because you enetered
shattering, and proud of it
made me belive
I had love, can't get out alive
breathings so hard now
even when I don't try
anger soars through my dry and crackled veins
rip open another hole
bind it to this
the blood drips, I can't control
when your looking for me all
youll find is this
drained me of my energy
is this love?
"Look For me by moonlight,
Watch for me by moonlight,
lll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way"
-Alfred Noyes "The Highwayman"

#7
shdwprncss

shdwprncss

    Green Eggs And Ham

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all I can say is WOW

#8
Gretchen

Gretchen

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  • Interests:Baseball!!!!!! Coffee (nobody messes with me and my java) yoga, lemon water, spending quality time with a good novel, writing .... lots of writing... poetry, comedy clubs, night clubs (dancing in cages .... nah j/k my morbid dream =P) listening to Static-X-Cold over and over again (cage dancing music) buying hooker shoes (8 1/2 inch patent leather with light ups inside) and purses! Leapord fur purses! Lots of Leapord Fur... meow...
Oh yeah forgot to write that all these were copyrighted 2000-2003, I think I need some therapy tho...
"Look For me by moonlight,
Watch for me by moonlight,
lll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way"
-Alfred Noyes "The Highwayman"

#9
Gretchen

Gretchen

    Horton Hears A Who

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  • Interests:Baseball!!!!!! Coffee (nobody messes with me and my java) yoga, lemon water, spending quality time with a good novel, writing .... lots of writing... poetry, comedy clubs, night clubs (dancing in cages .... nah j/k my morbid dream =P) listening to Static-X-Cold over and over again (cage dancing music) buying hooker shoes (8 1/2 inch patent leather with light ups inside) and purses! Leapord fur purses! Lots of Leapord Fur... meow...
Untiltled

you ignore me
am I really here
why don't you listen to what I say
keep forgetting
you've hurt my feelings
now I wanna hide everything
put it away
to the back of my mind
locked inside my thoughts
I open my mouth
I wanna talk but I cant make anything come out
you ignore my hurt expression
laugh you say "everything is fine"
you keep doing this to me
let your family trample me
let them say what they like
it makes me cry
the pills arent strong enough to cure my depression
so i wallow in it,
like a bubble in the bath tub
soon I will burst
then, what then
would you have gained?
"Look For me by moonlight,
Watch for me by moonlight,
lll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way"
-Alfred Noyes "The Highwayman"

#10
Vore

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    Lord Ego

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sweeeeeet
Please allow me to introduce myself...I'm a man of wealth and taste:Sympathy for the Devil

'Illa fuga rupes, et loca tuta petit.'

http://vore.deviantart.com/

#11
MoonlightChaser

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    Horton Hatches The Egg

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::applause:: Lovely work, I like the way that you did these things, even if it was something bad or a little demented, keep up the good work.

#12
Gretchen

Gretchen

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  • Interests:Baseball!!!!!! Coffee (nobody messes with me and my java) yoga, lemon water, spending quality time with a good novel, writing .... lots of writing... poetry, comedy clubs, night clubs (dancing in cages .... nah j/k my morbid dream =P) listening to Static-X-Cold over and over again (cage dancing music) buying hooker shoes (8 1/2 inch patent leather with light ups inside) and purses! Leapord fur purses! Lots of Leapord Fur... meow...
Thank you... my most prized writing to me would be the untiltled story I first posted in here, I took my life and decided to share a little of what I endure or endured in the last few years... It was meant to save mybest friend from making the same mistake. But I don't think she like it to much once she got to a certain page she threw it across the room and suggested we go to sleep. *shrugs* It didnt bother me any, I know that it is one of the best things I wrote, and Im very proud to have had it published.
"Look For me by moonlight,
Watch for me by moonlight,
lll come to thee by moonlight, though hell should bar the way"
-Alfred Noyes "The Highwayman"

#13
MalevolentYouth

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beautiful work

#14
Weeping_Angel

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Indeed, Beautiful work.... :)

#15
blackbambi

blackbambi

    Yertle The Turtle

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do you mean you had that story published in a book? because if you did than i need to get it, so a title would be nice.




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